BDSM is Love

I know it’s going to sound like I’m counting down the days or something, but this diet isn’t something that keeps my motivation or sustains my willpower for very long. Truthfully it isn’t a hard diet to follow. I’m not on a major reduction of food, I’m just required more variety. Exercise will be the trick to all this. I need to work till I’m sweating and then keep it there. I wish I had a heart rate monitor. I was taught in my Personal Wellness class that I should keep it at a certain level for low impact (the fat burning cycle). If it beats too fast it jumps to high impact and increases muscle instead. I had all this figured out so that I burned fat first. I did a 20 min video workout yesterday and boy did I feel worn out after it. The main goal of the tape was to just get really overweight people moving. I’m sure after I can survive those tapes I will be moving to a more aerobic based program with some strength training thrown in when I can. Master did the video with me, and although I felt silly doing it, and him doing it with me, I made it through it where if I was alone I would have stopped in the middle. Thank god this is only an every other day occurrence to start. My diet went well, of course it always does the first day. The test will be next week, after the novelty wears off.

Master and I were crabby at each other yesterday. I know that part of it was my diet beginning and the ensuing heartburn, the PMS and the headache. I shouldn’t have snapped at him like I did. For him it was probably the lack of sex for 2 days. It’s odd how he gets so antisocial if we don’t have sex one day. I can’t even touch him, I get the evil look if I look at him a certain way and god forbid I look at bondage pics or other images. He gets angry. It’s not my fault that with cramps the idea of having something thrust into me over and over just makes me want to curl up into a ball. We both need to work on dealing with the tension. Maybe it’s my fault, I’m not volunteering to masturbate or suck him more often when I’m not in the mood for sex. *sigh* I guess I will have to put that in mental lockup to try and remember.

Classes start next week. I have them only on Tuesday and Thursday so I have room for a job once John gets one. It’s so hard to find one for him, as anyplace that wants him has to be able to sponsor his visa. I don’t know how to help him, but I’m getting really worried that he won’t find anything. It never appears that he is looking. If I had a possibility of having to leave, I’d be looking everyday.

There is a winter storm coming this way, I hope it misses us as I don’t want to be stuck here just before I get my school money. I need books, I need to pay bills, there are so many things I need to do. I need a job myself, but do I get one now or wait till February to give Master a chance to get one? God I don’t know anything anymore.

–luna