BDSM is Love

Master isn’t talking today. He’s in a major bad mood. He isn’t even horny, which makes me feel like crap because I’ve been trying to get his attention all day. It’s been a month since we played and I am beginning to really need to. He said we can play on Monday, god that seems so far away. I just want to be beat now, till I cry and relieve my stress.

I masturbated today, it felt nice to relieve my stress that way. It’s been a long time since I was able to do that. Since Master got here I haven’t done it without him watching. He has since changed a rule and said that I could as long as I don’t deny him any sexual favor that he requests. I’m sure I can handle that. I really needed the relaxation that I now feel.

Tomorrow is the scavenger hunt. I’m looking forward to seeing my friends again, and having a bit of kinky fun. I hope Master is in a better mood. He seems pretty darn testy lately. Like I don’t do anything right.

This time it’s his fault though. I’m not taking blame. He needs to figure out what he wants from me and work to get it. I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know what he wants, nor how to achieve it. If he doesn’t sit down and figure out for himself what he wants of me soon, I’m going to go crazy. I’m trying to be good, but what I need to strive for is an invisible goal. One that will never be reached as long as he just idles by and maintains the boyfriend, bedroom Master persona. He said he doesn’t want to be like that. He told me he wants to be lifestyle. Goodness if I can’t do everything.

So today I sit here in silence as we do things separately today, desperately wanting him to just get up and hold me. Any attempts myself and I just got stared at like, “What are you doing?” No go. Nothing. This really sucks.

–luna