BDSM is Love

I am a sexual being. I am allowed to feel sexy and horny. I need to express myself more to Master. I want him to need me as much as I want him.

Last night Master brought something to my attention for correction, yet again. This one really knocked me down. I never even thought there was something wrong, so you know I was blind. When we first met, Master and I talked about being extremely sexual beings and needing to express our love for each other physically as often as possible. After a honeymoon period something in me changed.

I am not the teasing, hypersexual person I once was. I don’t find myself being so horny that I can’t contain myself. I don’t draw attention to myself to Master. The big one is I don’t take initiative when it comes to sex. I guess I had some mispreconceptions when it came to sex within a D/s relationship.

I didn’t really know that it was okay for me to show my desire as it would be a control issue. I thought that if I told him I was horny and needed him it would be controling the situation. I realize Master has always said that he wanted me to be more aggressive in bed. I have no real excuse as to why I am not that way. I’m lazy. I use my weight as an excuse as to why I don’t have energy.

I don’t masturbate, first because Master doesn’t want me to, and second because I feel bad that he isn’t there to witness it. I know that when I don’t masturbate I don’t feel horny as often as I would if I masturbated a lot. I wonder if I can work on things so that our sexual lives are stronger than they are now.

I can let myself feel sexy and horny around him. I will show him when I want him, and need him. I will express myself as openly as possible. I will be the sexual being that I know I am inside. No more hiding, no more quiet reserved me. I will be Master’s slut, just as he wants me. In time… just need time.

–luna