I have been battling a disinterest in sex lately. I feel terrible that I haven’t really felt like being touched or touching at all. I’m sure there are outside influences as to why I’ve been so antisex lately. I’ve had to sit and figure it out, because I’m tired of feeling like something is wrong with me.

When Master first got here, I was a sexual animal. I had always been very excited and easy to encourage to the bed, spread eagle and waiting for loving. It has dwindled to almost nothing now. It’s not Master. I still love to see him standing before me naked, his body looks so wonderful. I love to have him touch me and treat me like his slut. I need the connection from him. So, why can’t I feel in the mood for it?

We are in a fit of really tight finances, and it makes me really nervous, and worried all the time. I know this has a side effect of not being interested in sex. At least with me it does. It’s never easy to concentrate on yourself and your love when things just aren’t comfortable with your existence. It’s like Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs. One needs the basic needs first before you can climb up the pyramid. Love and Sex are on the 3rd tier. Right now we are stuck at the Safety and some of the basic Psychological needs. It’s so damn hard.

Master has been working really hard to get some money and get a regular paying job and I commend him for his diligence. It makes me feel good to know he is working so hard on things that will get us some money so that we can stop struggling.

I also know my period is coming, and it is making me irritable and cranky. My back is killing me today, I’m bloated and drinking a lot of water. I wish it would just come already, this wait is annoying. Anyone who deals with irregular periods would know what I mean.

So, now to help spur my sexual energy, hopefully… I have gone and found a question on Kindlings that might at least bring a fantasy to the page, and maybe help me remember how much of a sexual person I am.

From Kindlings - What is your most frequently occurring fantasy?

My most frequent fantasy is simple really. I imagine being tied comfortably yet immobility to the bed and teased, used, flogged, and tortured for hours on end, relaxing and taking some breaks for water replenishment and adjustment so that restricted limbs are still safe of course. I have seen myself being used slowly with dildos, having my ass shamelessly used (and Master knows I have problems with this one), being fucked, having cum all over me, my tits bound, tortured and beat, my pussy whipped, perhaps some sensation denial like blindfolds, earplugs or gags. The dream is endless. I don’t know how I would actually fare during this, but I do know that I dream about this a lot.

What’s YOUR fantasy? I’d like to know.

–luna