BDSM is Love

OK, so as I promised, yesterday Master and I had a talk while riding back from a bar meet. He says it is time for him to assert more control, that he isn’t comfortable with how he is with me. He wants to be more dominant and in turn to make me more pliable and submissive for him. It will be a large challenge and I don’t doubt that there will be conflicts as we both adjust.

He believes that if he shows more force and control, that I will adjust and become more pleasing and service him as he wishes. It’s all a process, and I think that now that money isn’t so constricting it is time to focus on us. He wants to work in more playtime; sadly that has been lacking the past few months, but he’s noticably more frisky and I like that.

My feelings on the adjustment are thus:

I’m nervous, as I always struggle against change, no matter how badly I want it to begin with. Those that have been reading this since the beginning know that I am very independent because of my past. I know I want to please him, I know I am not at that place in my role that makes me comfortable with who I am and who I am with Master. I have a lot of growing before I reach that place that will make me feel perfectly in my role.

Master has said that he notices the changes in me and is very proud to know that I want and can change and mold myself to his desires. He brought up an example that I didn’t even think anything of until he placed it in the conversation last night. A few night’s ago, it was really warm and I had the fan on high while I slept and when he comes to bed he usually turns it down as the sound bothers him. I was cranky because of the heat and when I jolted awake after he turned it down I shot out of bed and moved the fan closer, snapping to him that I was hot and then just sat there in front of the fan. I have to admit that I was thinking of some nasty things to say to him, and pondering waiting till he fell asleep and then turning the fan back on. All these things culminated in one moment of, “I don’t want him mad at me.” So I did the only thing that would make us both happy. I moved myself to the sofa and the other fan blowing right on me while I slept. I realize I missed sleeping with Master, but this way we both slept in our ‘ideal’ environments and there was no conflict. Master reminds me that when he first arrived, I would have told him how it was going to be and balked at adjusting at all. So, that in itself is a change. Interesting huh?

So, as far as I’m concerned I think I’m ready for the next difficult step in our development and can’t wait to see which way Master wants me to mold now.

–luna