BDSM is Love

My best friend and I had a wonderful time. I think that while she is still in the state she will be calling me regularly to let me know what she is up to and how she is fairing with her mom, whom she doesn’t get along well with. I really missed her and her son. It was a blast! We went to go see “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” I suggest it to anyone. I loved it, nothing like the first one, so much closer to the book this time and Johnny Depp is wonderful. Go see it!

I need to be harder on myself to exercise. My diet has fallen flat and I know it’s my lack of initiative and motivation. I don’t know what to do to get me to move at all. This really sucks.

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Master expressed to me that he is getting bored with our sexual relationship. I find that I am a major cause of this. He has asked me for months now to try to be more spontaneous, to initiate sex and to be more active in foreplay. These things are a challenge but not impossible. I don’t know how I got so lazy in sex, it’s not that I don’t enjoy myself or want to please. I guess with past experiences and the attitude that I have it just seems easier to be passive.

I’m terrible at spontaneity. I prefer planning and organization. I make lists upon lists to get through my day. I like to know what to expect what to do and being spontaneous isn’t really in the plan. I do want to surprise him, but I’m terrible if I don’t plan it. I guess I really don’t listen to impulse. How does one change in that respect? Is there a way to teach myself to be more free with time?

I know why I don’t initiate sex. In past relationships, I was the only one who initiated sex, and it got to be a drag. I don’t do it now, partically because of the feelings I have with the past about this aspect. It’s not that I can’t initiate, it’s that I choose not to. *sigh* I have a lot of work to do.

Active foreplay is another fun one… I am quite a large woman, and I find it very hard work to play *lol* I guess I am just lazy here, there is no real reason why I don’t do more in the bedroom.

I don’t think this is just my problem though. If he is bored with sex, maybe we need to add more variation, do things differently try new things, BDSM play more, add another element, lord knows what else. I’d love some suggestions. This week I’m out of commission because of my monthly visitor almost incompacitates me, but next week I hope to try some relighting of the fire that I know is there, kindled and waiting.

–luna