BDSM is Love

As mentioned in the previous post, a part of consensuality is the use of safewords to protect the participants from going to far and maintaining limits pre-established. They are key to safe sexual activities within the community. A safeword can be used to stop what’s happening with a pre-negociated word or gesture by either party.

Safewords are a topic of discourse within the community itself. A lot of people say they aren’t necessary. Their support is that if they know their partner well enough they would know where too much lies and when to back off. I agree with that, if you do know your partner well and have played frequently with them, are devoted to them or in a commited relationship with them, most likely safewords aren’t necessary.

However, there is a large majority that are new to BDSM, new to a relationship, regular players, and enjoy playing with others that need safewords to make sure that they are safe and that their limits are held in regard.

A common safe word is called the stoplight. There are 3 colors to choose from and they tell the partner what is going on with you and how to proceed. There is ‘green’ that tells the person all is a go, I’m loving what you are doing, I’m okay. Then there is ‘yellow’. This is a caution sign, normally used when the partner is in physical discomfort, afraid, unsure and need more discussion, or wants the partner to lower the intensity a bit. Lastly, is ‘red’. This is full-stop. It doesn’t mean, give ‘em one more then stop, it means stop now, get me down, untie me, whatever. Usually happens when the limit has been broken, the partner has panicked or there is something physically wrong(ie… bondage too tight, dizzyness, difficulty breathing, etc). When followed correctly this can help partners learn and grow.

–luna

Recoil with Nicole Blackman - Want