BDSM is Love

I know that I am not sleeping well. I know that when I do sleep it is restless and full of dreams. I wake tense with aching limbs and a headache. This is not normal for me and it’s been going on too long. I have had stress in my life, more than what I am going through now, and I have faired better. I am waking earlier than I normally do and wanting to pass out from exhaustion earlier in the evening. With things on my mind, I’m not sure when these sleepless nights will end.

Master and I had a very difficult and emotionally trying conversation the other night. As I have mentioned in a previous post, Master wishes I were more spontaneous sexually and I am pretty inactive in bed. I have done nothing to fix these things since they were first brought up and because of this he brought them up again. He was disturbed and frustrated. I realize I’m not good at behavior modification on my own or I’d have lost weight by now. I realize that Master is new to Dominance and isn’t sure how to go about working with me. His needs aren’t being met.

But then again, neither are mine. The revelation that I wasn’t happy with our sex life surprised him I think. I have fantasies of being forced and taken whenever is his choice, on a whim. I like the idea of being made to please him, of being told and commanded as to what to do. This may be his perception of my inactiveness in bed. I don’t know. I’d like to think these two differences can be worked on and we can live a happy fullfiling life. I need to be spontaneous. I need him to control me in the bedroom more.

Now that we know these things, only good can come out of it. We are going to work on these things together. From now on I feel we will be more open. I will try to be more ’surprising’ to him and he will try to assert himself when he feels the desire to.

In two days I go back to school. I feel a dread over me, like something weighing on my mind. I really don’t want to go to school this time, I am not looking forward to the year, and I hope that it will change after my first few classes. Just one more year. It has be my mantra this time.

Next weekend is a munch and Master and I are looking forward to seeing some old friends and making new ones. I am unsure as to how many will show for it, but I don’t care. I just need the meeting of friends with common interests.

I have done a lot of work on the Iron Gate and I have news! I have just registered a new domain, all my own that I will be moving too soon. They will be auto redirected, but I will notify you before the actual event. I have purchased http://www.the-iron-gate.com . I’m so excited. I will be working hard to make this site a useful and full resource. The only way I can do that is with donations of work and talent from the readers of my site. I want to provide as many opinions and outlooks as possible. At one point I want it to be interactive, with commenting allowed on essays so that we can carry a threaded conversation about the topic. I don’t know how long it will take me to get that done, but I will keep you updated. My personal site will grow as well. I don’t know when but it will still be a sub area of the Iron Gate and will be mainly the personal side of me. I know some people are curious with that. I’d love to hear your ideas… what makes a lifestyle website worth visiting, and repeat visiting? What should I add/change/remove? Anything that I have already that should be more expansive?

–luna