BDSM is Love

So, last night didn’t go as desired. Sleep overtook me and I explained to Master that I was too tired for sex. Being the wonderful man he is, he tucked me in and that was it. But I was also horny. So I masturbated. Takes me 30 sec to a minute for release. And it’s just that, release.

Masturbation is allowed in our relationship, as long as it’s not overused. He requires that I tell him that I have masturbated, I assume so that he still has some control and knowledge about it. He wants to maintain my sexual desires and masturbation is a good way to do that. I masturbate about 2 times a month, not much more than that. I use it for stress release mostly. Last night I used it so that I could sleep.

At 3 am, just after he came to bed, I woke up to the cats making a racket and he used that moment to tell me that he knew I had masturbated and he was upset about it. He said that he thought that I was too tired for sex and yet I masturbated anyhow. Perhaps he felt hurt, or sexually frustrated because he didn’t get to fuck me. I’m not really sure. For me sex is not masturbation and vise versa. He tried to say that I am supposed to ask to orgasm, however I know we had agreed that during masturbation I didn’t have to as long as it wasn’t more than one. I really wasn’t awake enough for sex but I needed release and that idea came to me.

Now while he still sleeps I try to figure out what I did wrong. I would have woken up this morning and told him that I had masturbated, nothing out of the norm from what I am allowed to do, but I feel now that I have done something wrong and actually am afraid of what Master will say once he is up and awake. My freedom to masturbate may be taken away, which I guess I deserve. I upset him and now I just wait for him to decide what punishment or discussion will come out of this.

–luna