As my rules state, I have to be forthcoming with all worries and troubles so that Master can take care of me and know what my mind is thinking throughout the day. Today my mind is stuck on money, or the lack thereof. We have things lined up that will pay out sooner or later, but in the immediate future there are things we have to do that we just can’t afford. I don’t know how I’m going to tell my friends in my groups that I can’t attend what I normally run every month. I can hope that I will have some money before next weekend, that would be a lifesaver. I hate living so poorly. Living paycheck to paycheck is the life of a freelancer.

I don’t like asking for help either but I find that there may be no choice but to see if I can take out a small loan from my father, who up until now has always said no save once. I have a job now, and that might be my saving grace. He knows I will work to pay him back for it. I guess I can try to contact him tonight if I feel needy enough.

I know Master gets tired of hearing that I am worried about money. Whenever I bring it up, he shuts down and I really can’t talk about it. I have learned the best way to still let him know I am worried is through this blog, because I’m not making him read it, he doesn’t have to read it all when he gets to it and then he can just shut it off instead of glazing over when I speak to him face to face. I know he is working hard to keep a roof over our head and food in our mouth. I know that I haven’t received my first job yet, and I am still waiting on that. I will get half down when the job is ready. I can only hope that it is speedy.

I really hate writing about our lack of finances in this blog, I don’t want people’s pity. I’d much rather be talking about the love and play that Master and I get small chance of doing. Like last night, it was so heavenly to just sit in his arms after getting home and watch tv with him. He told me he missed me and held me close throughout the rest of the movie. I love this man. I want more times like this. I don’t want to stress over money or work all the time, I don’t want to work so hard that we never get to spend time together, life can be so much better than this. I know it can.

–luna