Forgotten
While it may look like I have forgotten to post to this blog countless times, or that you are cheated with a short “informational” post, I’d like to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you.
**These are not wholly my thoughts, but the ones discussed in a group function last night. Take them or leave them as you wish.**
Last night was my D/s Forums for the group I’m a participant. The submissive topic that we discussed was personal responsibility. There are a few points that were interesting to discuss. “The Doormat Submissive” was one of them. While this descriptive gets a lot of interpretations, the one we choose last night seems to fit. This submissive believes that his or her life and role in the relationship should be passive, that their thoughts and opinions don’t matter nor should they be voiced. This type of submissive, from our talk, holds the Dominant higher than a human (closer to god-like we discussed) and holds no responsibility for his or herself. The one slave within our group said that while we emphasize on submissive’s behavior, there are slaves just like this as well.
Another thing we talked about was the definition of consensual and voluntary. I feel these are very important terms when you begin your life as a submissive. I’m not going to give a speech about what consensual is, most, if not all, people have an idea what they consider consensual. What I’d like to add though is that we discussed that the two people in the relationship should have the same interpretation of the word for the roles they assume to work right. Voluntary is a bit different. Not many really understood what voluntary was within our discussion. Voluntary is not just that you choose to do it/be it but that there was no viable option. It’s within this last part that they seemed confused but look at it this way. You can volunteer for an event, and carry it out, but did you have to do it? You could have chosen to not participate. However to be voluntary is that you choose a certain path because you couldn’t see yourself doing/being anything else. I hear a lot of the time with the people I hang out with in the lifestyle, “I just can’t be anything else, I am Dominant/submissive and that’s just what I want to be.”
On a side, those that ceremoniously or not, leave the lifestyle (we see it a lot online in blogs) aren’t opting out from the lifestyle. I see it as they found a viable option to explore. That doesn’t mean that they have stopped being Dominant or submissive, but that the voluntary effort turned elsewhere. Granted that is not the only reason people leave the lifestyle, and I’m not grouping them all together, nor intending on making a group assumption, but this is one way of thinking about it without thinking they have abandoned the lifestyle.
I found a short essay online, one that worked wonderfully to put out a point and to center the forums last night on the topic at hand. The web address is: http://members.fortunecity.com/chezmoi/sub.html and this is what the submissive had to say (spelling and grammar has not been corrected):
| On being a submissive ~ A few words from the heart…The word “submissive” describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. While it places many responsibilities on the Dominant, it does not in any way diminish yours. Your responsibility for your choices, for your health, for your well~being. You are also an active partner in the relationship you enter~ you are submissive, not passive.Furthermore, being submissive does not necessarily mean agreeing with everything the Dominant says or does. It does mean obeying it, unless there is a very valid reason not to. You do have the right to express your feelings, your concerns, your thoughts~ a good Dominant will always listen, though not He or She will not necessarily agree. There is no ‘check~list’ on how to be a smart submissive. The ideas below are thoughts i gathered from Dominants as well as submissives, they are highly recommended to follow when engaging in an Rt D/s relationship or when moving from a Vt one to an Rt one. BDSM is not a democracy by any means or stretch of the imagination… submission means giving over yourself, your rights, your desires to another… it is a gift… make sure it is given to a responsible person… not some fly by night dominant who can not deal with it… Being a dominant is an awesome responsibility that most honestly are ill equiped to handle… you the submissive, have to take responsibility for your own actions in chosing the appropriate dominant…if you do not take the time to get to know the dominant, throwing yourself blindly at the dominant, professing your undying devotion and giving yourself to them, without taking the time to know whether that person is right for you, then you have only yourself to blame. But the bottom line for you should always be to follow your heart ~ if something does not feel right, don’t do it, and if something does, make sure you can try it without taking any unecessary risks. Listen to your heart and to your insticnts ~ and they will not lead you astray. |
Thank you for listening.
–luna
Tristan's pet
Squeezeplay
pinkroses521
mara tudor
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