BDSM is Love

How do you maintain your focus? Do you have a specific ’slave mindset’ you strive for? - from Kindlings

This is actually a huge challenge for me. I’m terrible at maintaining my focus and staying within that happy sub mind that I enjoy being in. Sometimes I think that that sort of mindset is impossible for me and other times I know that is a goal I will reach one day. I guess it’s all a matter of how I see the world. My Master is very patient and loving to me, he’s also young and still very flexible with how he wants things. My life has been pretty easy as far as from what I’ve read in other blogs and glimpses of life in other D/s households. I know that one day he will set exactly how he would like things, and perhaps that will come as he matures and ages.

I have no set training, nothing that I am working on, on a regular basis. Sometimes I think that is not really my Master’s way. He’s more likely to suggest something he’d like to see happen and then its up to me to make it happen and work myself into that state of service or behavior. I have rules I follow, and occasionally we add to that list, however it’s not solid yet as to what new rules we’ve discussed are on that list. I don’t have any way of just posting my rules, as they are constantly changing and are flexible in a way that I guess I feel like a child that if I wiggle my way around him just right I can get out of it.

Oddly enough I crave some punishment, however I don’t take punishment well. We tried this at the very beginning and I really went ballistic. Yet, when I read blogs like The Punishment Book I actually crave something within them. I’m not sure what exactly… perhaps it’s the swiftness that the girls there are punished, they get into trouble and immediately they know it and are spanked, OTK or lately there has been some soap in the mouth (ick). Maybe then it’s not the punishemnt I crave but the firmness the control they have in their relationships has. I don’t really know if I would like a super firm hand, but I know I get away with way too much. No wonder my independence is so strong still. I’ve not had to work at getting it removed from my ass!

Can I be in a slave mindset? It is possible. Do I want it? Yes, I really do. I feel at peace just thinking about it. I don’t know if it’s possible in this relationship, as it is though. We would have to do some real changing.

It’s not just me that needs to change. Master constantly says that he doesn’t have anyone to talk to, doesnt’ like opening up, and can’t stand to read long essays where he might find some inspiration, knowledge of different ways of doing things. I don’t doubt that Master could develop a strong firm mindset that would compliment what I would like to have within my own mindset.

I’m not asking for immediate change. I don’t even know if it’s possible to change so swiftly, I just want to enhance our relationship, I know what kind of relationship I’d like to strive for but I can’t be done one sided. I have things to learn, I must grow, but so should Master.

A slave mindset is possible, not now, but not never. It is a goal, and a good goal I think. I want to feel at peace and happy with my service to Master. Always and forever.

–luna