BDSM is Love

How do you address others in the lifestyle? Do you automatically give strangers respect, or give automatic courtesy and wait for the individual to earn personal respect? — Kindlings

This very question comes up on practically every list I’m on, every real life group, every conversation on IM’s and on IRC and the confusion of new people, of different protocols and personal opinions sometimes makes it a heated debate. I usually don’t contribute too much to the conversation because I know that each person is different.

I address people in the lifestyle the way the introduce themselves. If Peter walks up to me and says, “Hi, I’m Sir Peter.” I will call him Sir Peter. If he just says, “Peter” then that is what I call him. I feel that a person will introduce themselves how they would prefer to be addressed or they wouldn’t have given that name to you to use. I always introduce myself as luna and that is what I prefer. This applies mainly to real life encounters, meetings, munches and events. My Master does not yet require me to address Dominants as Sir or Ma’am but I also know that he would not disapprove if one day I started doing that.

My address of people on IRC is different. I “grew up and learned” from IRC before I took it to real life and I still hang on to a few of the things that were requested of me from people online. Those things are Sirs and Ma’ams to those with capped nicks and courteous replies all around. This isn’t to say I’m not courteous with everyone, it’s just more pronounced and exaggerated online.

As far as respect, in my opinion it is earned. Everyone deserves courtesy and was taught to me as a child, I continue it now. Courtesy is simply, please and thank you’s, polite listening, and no rudeness. A person may be a stranger, but they are still a person.

–luna