objectified. I’ve not felt this way in such a long time, probably because Master isn’t the type to turn me into an object very often. Master feels that my presence as a woman and his submissive is more important than making me feel like an object just for his pleasure, whatever pleasures that may be. I woke today feeling that if only Master would just take me, tell me I’m his, show me that I belong to him and that his pleasure and service is most important.

Perhaps it’s the way it makes me feel that I’m needing. Maybe it’s because my mind has been full of stress and all the things that have to get done and becoming an object just for a short time even, relieves me of that responsibility to worry. It’s a release of a different kind.

I’ve been here at this desk for 4 hours working on a paper for one of my final projects. It’s going well I believe but I’m about ready to throw in the towel for awhile and take a break. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the other 3 papers I have to have written by the first week of May if I keep procrastinating. I realize others haven’t even started their papers but I feel that it will be less stressful if I do them now.

I expressed a fear I have with Master last night. It’s something that keeps coming up as the days tick by and I’m closer and closer to being done with classes. What am I going to do now? It’s a different life and I don’t know how to live it. Where do I get a job? Will it pay enough? Will I still have free time to serve Master as I’d like? Can I be myself?

The fear creeps into everything I do and sometimes it obsesses me. I believe it is part of the reason that I have been getting so many headaches lately. My future while bright and shining ahead of me is still so uncertain. I wish I could plan ahead for it like I do my papers. I’m going to just have to bite the bit and go with it.

–luna