BDSM is Love

From Submissive Journal Prompts: “It is time that I….”

It is time that I work harder at pleasing Master. I know there are times that I am in independent luna mode and I don’t think about Master first. In fact lately there have been more and more luna time than there has been Master time. I’m afraid that I may not be able to find my way back to that road I am supposed to be on. I please Master, I serve him before myself and I am aware of his needs sometimes before he is. That will be a wonderful day. Why it is still a dream? Why can’t I keep my mind on the task and improve myself?

Why in the world am I so hard on myself? Master has not expressed anything that would mean I’m not making him happy. He is so considerate about my workload and my trying hard with my studies. He knows that when we have more time for us that I promise I will work more with serving him.

Master did express that he would like me to work on my issue with saying “no.” I do it too much. Generally it is with sexual acts that this comes in. I admit that I use it and abuse it on many occasions. Master and I had a long talk and I’m to not say no. I’ve been taking it for granted. Master is still new and I have used it to still control things. Yes, I have topped from the bottom on many occasions so that I don’t have to do what he asks of me. I feel horrible for doing it, Master recognizes it as guilt. Yes I feel guilty about it. It is not submissive of me. I can’t explain why I have been doing it alot lately.

No more. I can’t. I have done it enough in the last month to equate a whole year of saying no in other contexts. I’m not sure how it will go or how I will be able to hold my tongue. I have a feeling it will mean punishment till I get it right. I will need strength. I’m in for a storm of correction.

–luna