BDSM is Love

Today I have been so annoyed with Master. I’m not 100% sure why but it has lead to some very tense moments and I have taken a long drive to get away from my thoughts for the day.

I woke up at 5:30am. I haven’t done so in over a year and I just couldn’t sleep, so I got up, got ready for the day and went grocery shopping, did dishes and 2 loads of laundry all before Master got up. I’ve not had any webdevelopment work for a few days and it’s really driving me crazy to not have that do to. I know I should have resorted to cleaning the house.

At 2pm I took a nap. The early morning had finally caught up with me and I feel asleep for an hour. Master came in and cuddled after that and I drifted in and out of sleep with him for another 40 mins. Then I just got up and tried to figure out what to do for the rest of the day. Master on the other hand has been complaining of being sexually frustrated, but yet has not asked me to help him with it. He says what he wants is something I don’t want to do right now (blowjob). That’s right, I spat back. I am not going to do it for awhile. I’m just not in the mood.

He stayed in the bedroom, to masturbate no less, came out acting like nothing had happened and something in me was hurt that he didn’t at least try to see if I was interested in sex.

Times like these I know I will fight with submission for years to come and maybe I am not partnered with the best choice for me. I don’t know. We got in a tiff, something that left me feeling really annoyed and he felt dismissed from conversation. He complained that the tv was bothering him and I asked him what he wished me to do. He said, “just sit there and be quiet.” So I turned on my computer porn. He said he could still hear it, so I turned it down. Then he said it was still audible. WTF?! I lost it. I shut it off, got up, got dressed and walked out the door. I got in my car and just drove. There was no destination in mind.

After a half hour I returned, put on my mp3 player and went about cleaning the house. Not one word to him, no word from him. Just silence. He wanted me to be quiet. I wanted to show to him that I was pissed.

Now it’s been an hour and still nothing. I’m sitting here still really annoyed, he’s in the bedroom doing lord knows what and I’m just about ready to start cleaning and organizing things that haven’t been cleaned in months/years.

I’m just screaming inside and he doesn’t see it.

I see so much potential in him to be the strict, law enforcing, disciplining Dominant that I know I need. Right now I’m walking all over him and while it does bug me, he’s not done a darn thing to stop me, so I just do it. I need punishment but he doesn’t like that. I guess I will just have to see how this rant will go.

–luna