BDSM is Love

You are browsing the archives of 2006 June.

I have a job! It’s a part time job but one that will certainly help us pay the bills. My new boss even said that he was so impressed with my interview that he considered not holding any more interviews and calling me right up. That would have been fine with me! I will be [...]

I’m getting better. I had a bit of normalcy today. I was handed my next job for my freelance work, and since I’m allowed to use the computer for work, I worked as best I could today. It felt good to be able to do something normal, something that felt like me, and not some [...]

I would have been instructed to write in my blog yesterday had the interenet been available. It is finally up today and so I am backposting this entry that I handwrote yesterday. Thank you to everyone that is sending me support and kind words in this. It truely does help me stay focused and know [...]

I find myself just beginning the sentence that is my punishemtn for wrongdoing. I am miserable and bored. Hours have passed slowly as I contemplate my rebirth. There has to be a rebirth after a wrong so severly recognized as this. The effects on Master and our relationship are huge.
I have to start at square [...]

I’m depressed, and more than just slightly. I’m caught between bouts of crying and sleeping with a disinterest in all things around me. Interesting enough Master asked me if my good subbie routine would fade when I’m not depressed anymore. I guess I am more attentive and behave when I am like this. I don’t [...]

I’ve done something horrible. I don’t know how to talk about it. Before you judge me, please understand that this journal is for my personal thoughts, not for judgement. (Not that it’s going to stop anyone from saying things.)
As a part of my rules with Master, I am not to share photos of myself, explicit [...]

Now, I’d speak about what happened last night if I could, but it’s just so horrible that I can’t speak it. I am worthless, I broke Master’s trust in a huge way and I don’t know if I will ever recover what once was. That’s all I’m saying, that’s all I can handle. Only time [...]

Continuing more on my code of ethics I’ve come to realize that there are submissive code of ethics out there on the net that seem all and good, but not very personal. A common one I see passed around is:
1. I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that [...]

After the activity from yesterday my body aches and my mental self feels released. I can say that yesterday something in me clicked right and I felt myself again. No longer did I feel a shell of myself satisfying Master’s needs. I was there in the moment and I wanted to please him as best [...]

Master and I have had a wonderful time today. I’m feeling well used and exhausted after a full afternoon of sex. All of my holes were used today and I’m happy. So very happy.
Hopefully my sexual prowess is just a start of my submission returning the way it was.
–luna

I’ve begun to experience computer problems and while Master and I are sure it’s a hardware issue, we don’t have a clue as to what hardware it could be. We can’t afford to just swap pieces out as we try to diagnose so it may be that one day my computer will just die and [...]

I have started writing a personal submissive code of ethics. I’m not sure how well I will be able to apply myself to following them to the best of my ability but I feel that if they written down I might be more aware of them. For those that may not know, a code of [...]

I’m working my fingers off here the past few days as I try to get some quick money. The faster I get this site done the sooner I get paid I have another job lined up after this one too. I feel so much better for being able to work on a daily basis.
I [...]

Yes sir, I've gotten so much work done that I will soon be able to say that I'm the fastest fingers in town! heh. I will most likely have this client's site down in a week, the fastest I've ever gone. I will have another job lined up for after that so I will be [...]

I'm hopeful that we will get to play tomorrow. Master stated last night that it depends on my mood today, whatever that means. I'm going to work hard to stay happy and attentive and loving to him all day. I want and need to play so badly. I want to show him that I will [...]

I’ve been finally given my next project for work. I can feel the pressure to get it done and pay the bills. I can sense the overworked feeling I will most likely have all next week from pushing myself to get something accomplished fast. I can see the look of worry on Master’s face as [...]

Tuesday Master and I had a wonderful SM session. It came by suggestion from someone in a group I'm  in. I had asked how to get back to feeling submissive when you feel out of sorts. She suggested what makes her feel submissive again is a really good intense scene. I thought it was a [...]

I wrote in my fantasy blog about my love of a certain toy used for pussy whipping. Uncanny how it came into reality. Master doesn’t even read that site!
 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/luna_and_sir/  If you are interested.

Master and I had a wonderful play session last night! OMG it was so hot. We have this toy that a friend made [...]

I feel off today. I’m not sure 100% why. I’ve had a lot of thoughts going through my mind lately, not all of them good. Concerns that will get voiced when I’m ready to do so. I want to be sure that these concerns are founded in truth and not just emotional things.
I begin to [...]

Master and I don’t play often, not as often as I’d really like. It’s been months since he wanted to play. He says it’s because it takes so much to get me in the mood. I really don’t think that’s the case but whatever he wants to feel is fine. I have to live with [...]