I’m feeling a little better today. I’ve worked hard at paying more attention to Master and my emotions. I want to back up to normal self as soon as possible. Trust me though, I was and still am quite down at my loss of libido. I used to rival any man at the amount of time I spent thinking about sex and now I rarely give it a second thought. That’s just got to change for my health and our relationship.

I’ve made plans to do some changing. From what I’ve posted here I still have to work on the coffee thing. I have been doing better however, generally asking if he needs more twice a day and he’s noticed enough to ask me to make fresh coffee instead of doing it himself. Hopefully this will continue to improve. My speech training sucks. It’s a lot better when I know Master is paying attention but I’ve noticed most of this has to be my change and sometimes he will bring up that I forgot something.

As a part of my physical life change (diet) I am adding a ‘rule’ that if I say out loud that I’m bored, which I do a lot, I have to do 10 mins of exercise. This will accomplish 2 goals. More exercise on a daily basis and keep me busy, either from avoiding exercise or from the exercise itself.

Another thought… Master said that he can’t be dominant if I’m not submissive and I’ve been very NOT submissive lately. I’m not very submissive because he’s not taking charge. It’s almost a catch 22. One of us has to start so that the other can follow suit. I’ve said so many times to count on blogs that I am not naturally submissive, however I am not forcing myself into a role I don’t want either. I feel so secure and at peace with myself when I am of service and pleasing someone else. I just need to find that place more often and stay there.

Job hunting is not succeeding. I live in a college town and when the college is not in session businesses need less workers and so while people have left their employ for the summer, they don’t need more. Ugh. So, I am working online still, searching for more freelance work, trying to finish my freelance business site so that I can get a domain and hopefully sell myself for personal web development. Master even suggests offering web hosting for the sites I do on our dedicated server. I don’t know, right now I have to finish the control panel for sites, which I have just come across a poor coding flaw I will need to work on before I will feel confident in selling them. You can’t have them poorly coded if someone else is going to use them. The beauty of them is that you don’t need to know HTML or any other type of coding to use it. It helps you make the pages and links all in one simple editor. Dreams are good and tend to dream big. I’d love a home based business… or two.. or three.

I used to make floggers and try to sell them. I believe that niche in our society is flooded and am trying to come up with another crafting thought that might work. One that has come to mind seems… silly but possibly doable. It’s pervertibles…. only done up. I’d add leather braided handles to wooden spoons, better handles on rug beaters, paint and wax coat clothespins. Part of me thinks this is a stupid idea, that people buy pervertibles on the cheap, why would they want a dolled up one? I don’t know, really I don’t. You can never tell with some people. We shall see after some thinking on it what happens.

–luna