I’m getting better. I had a bit of normalcy today. I was handed my next job for my freelance work, and since I’m allowed to use the computer for work, I worked as best I could today. It felt good to be able to do something normal, something that felt like me, and not some shell of me. My diet is failing due to this depression. I’m up 4 lbs from what I was 2 weeks ago. I’m not disheartened though, as my period is on the way so I could just be retaining. In either case, I was hoping to be at or under 300 by now… I’m 6 lbs off. *sigh* I’m so far away of what was my Labor day goal of 288, I just don’t know if I will ever make half of it. Not sure I’m much of an inspiration right now.

On the second I get computer usage back minus my IMs and IRC chat. That means I will be able to read blogs again, I will be able to work on my website and prepare for the Blogathon. I have a few requests from people to do templates for me so that I might have something really neat on my blog for the Blogathon. I’m waiting to hear back from one and the other is a go. I just am waiting patiently. I am blogging for charity, and I have decided that this year it is The Institute for 21st Century Relationships. It is linked to the NCSF which I raised money for last year. The Institute is the education side of NCSF. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom does the politics and lobbying for law changes across the country. The foundation brings awareness, knowledge and education to all about alternative relationships, from BDSM, M/s, D/s, Gay and Lesbian, Polyamory and Swinging. It’s all about acceptance. I think this charity is worth donating to because the first step to a more accepting society is knowledge. Please consider donating when the time comes for me to announce my entry into the Blogathon.

Danae commented awhile back about my need to know why I did what I did so that I don’t do it again. If I can’t fix the why, it could return to haunt me yet. I have excuses, of course I do, however I don’t know if any of them can really count as true reasons. I have talked with Master about they whys, as that was the first question he asked me after he discovered my failing. Since then, these reasons have only just been discussed. I am not sure if there is a resolution coming, however I know that the fear of going through this all again (if I would be that lucky) is more than enough right now for me to never consider it. I know when I’ve had something good and I’d like to keep him!

–luna

PS: If you have ideas for what I could do for the blogathon, such as topics to write about or a theme.. something interesting, I would love to know your thoughts!