BDSM is Love

I’m polite at work. I’m excessively polite at work. I’m always saying thank you and your welcome and please and being on my best behavior. I’m kind and appropriate and welcoming for those who have questions. Why can’t I be that here with Master in the privacy of our own relationship? Why do I have a difference in behavior? I want to be polite and adoring and appropriate with Master as he wishes me to be, so what’s the hang up?

I noticed this today as I was leaving work. I realized that I had been very courteous to everyone, as I know Master would like me too and I thought, “How hard can this be to be polite with Master and know my place?” It can be really hard, that I know from the experience I have to date. Master notices when I’m polite and I get this wonderful smile either across his face or in his eyes, but when I forget it’s a reminder in a firm tone and a dissappointed look. I’d like to wipe that look from his face forever, but that won’t happen. At least I can work on getting it to the point that I don’t see it for this reason.

I start cutting back my hours to the part time I was hired for and I’m sure that I will be able to keep up on sleep and housecleaning and other things so perhaps I should step up the mental training I need to do to know that my place is beside Master and my role is polite and sensitive to his needs and the use of honorifics with him is not only a pleasant thing but a required thing. That’s my only hope. I need to constantly remind myself and then it will stick. It just has to.

My month long punishment will be complete on Saturday. I will gain my IMs and IRC chat back and will be able to say that while I live as a rather priveledged submissive, I finally feel like Master has me under his control again. I know I wronged him immensely and I feel that the weight will finally be lifted on Saturday when I am officially off punishment. (that is until I get in trouble again) Throughout the month I have had to learn things to keep me busy, how to restructure my life and I’m grateful I got a job to help me feel that I am helping pull my weight around here. I only wish I could do more.

–luna