BDSM is Love

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a weekend in which I didn’t have school work to do, and I didn’t have to go to work. All I have to do is some housework and find time to relax and enjoy things. Relaxing is going to be the hard part. As most of you know, I stress about money a lot. It’s nerve wracking for Master because he wants me to be happy and not worry about these things. I talk about it all the time and when I’m not talking about it, I’m thinking about it. None of these things solves the problem so I don’t know why I can’t just let it go. I want to let it go.

Master has the potential for a phone interview with a very large well-known company in California. I hope and pray that he will get the job, it’s perfectly suited for him and while it would mean moving there I’m ready for anything. I have no clue what the standard of living is over there, so I need to try to research that and see how his pay over there will pay the bills. I’m not telling my brand new job unless the move is actually scheduled to happen. No need worrying them before hand. If any of you live in California and could let me know what the average is for renting/utilities/gas/groceries/etc are, I would appreciate it immensely.

I am enjoying my job. It has quieted down since the installation of all the new Multifunction devices we placed and I’m having to go out less and less to check on them, clear jams, fill with paper, etc. I’m sure it will pick up some as we start to take away their old faithful HP printers next week. My team leader (he hates the word boss) says he’s getting very positive feedback about me, and that makes me feel really good. I like knowing that the clients I’m working with like me. It also feels so good to know that every 2 weeks I bring home money, it’s been a long time since I’ve done that.

It makes me realize that even though I see a dream life of being a stay at home submissive/wife I may not be able to do that full time. I may need to still earn money in some form to feel like I’m fulfilling my part of this relationship. It could be an online business (we have one we are dreaming up), it could be my flogger/toy making. I’m also dreaming up beaded jewelry making. All of these things I would love to do, if we had the finances and the time. Dreams keep us alive.

The Blogathon was a great success and I’m happy to have been a part of it. I raised $474.50 for the Institute for 21st Century Relationships. I know that it seems silly but I truly feel that I did something so powerfully good; that I may have impacted the way we live in some small way, somehow.

If fallen behind on my submissive training and lifechange. I’m constantly aware of how I’m not measuring up, how I’m not doing what I should have and how disappointing this has to be for Master. So, while I’m aware, why am I not correcting myself? Why is it when I’m not using please and thank you, or saying Master’s name more often that I don’t get reprimanded or reminded? I don’t know, I only know that I am beginning to feel like a failure and it’s all my fault.

–luna