Submission is Work
It dawned on me, or rather it was explained to me in wonderful terms, that my submission isn’t a one way street. I had constantly thought that I’d be submissive if Master was dominant. I questioned why I wasn’t getting reprimanded or reminded that I wasn’t following the rules that he set up. kaya made some very good points, which she said I could share here.
I went through some similar thinking awhile back. I wanted/needed the rules and the structure, so He’d lay out all these rules. And I wouldn’t follow them. Or I might, for a bit, or sometimes, but I’d often not follow them. And wait to be corrected. Wait to be punished. My thinking was that I can’t submit in a vacuum. I can’t submit if He doesn’t care if I submit.. and why follow rules if nobody is paying attention anyway?
So one day, I was in a snit over this, stomping around and being a brat and He asks what my problem is. I said “You aren’t dominate enough for me.” And He turned to me and said “No. You aren’t submissive enough for ME.”
Master and I have had the same arguements, the same discussion, the exact words. I always thought it was because we were new at this, and while it could have a bearing on things, it’s exactly the cusp of all of this. Master has given me the rules that he wishes me to follow. He’s done what I’ve asked of him. Now it’s my turn. I need to follow them. Whatever I do I have to get my way back, I have to get my submissive drive back. When I get up in the morning I need to think only of pleasing Master.
I fail at that so many times. My mind shuts off after awhile and I don’t think about it anymore. I need a personal reminder. Maybe it’s time to put the signs up again. I had signs up when I was alone, before Master moved here to remind me to put my collar on when I got home. It worked and I remembered, it became a habit and now I don’t go anywhere without it.
Like kaya, I’m sure I will struggle and my inner voice will say, just as hers has, “He isn’t watching, He doesn’t care.” I need to do it anyway. I need to do it so that I am fullfilling my part. With my compliance he can begin to take over his role more, he will feel the confidence he needs to move further and I know that I will follow.
I really want these rules, I want to follow them. I need to take that want and do it. I need to make them a part of me.
He’s taken that step, I need to take mine.
–luna
I'm luna, KnyghtMare's submissive since 2004. I'm a BBW with brown hair and blue eyes. I've been married, separated, almost divorced now; living with my Master.
Master placed his permanent collar on me January 27, 2006. I'm learning and growing into the perfect submissive for him. I'm changing my behaviors, my attitude and my thought processes to become a better person.
This is an adult blog. If you get offended to talk of sex, sexuality and BDSM, please turn back now.
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don’t you just hate those blinding flashes of the obvious. they aren’t obvious before you get them, but afterwards its a giant DUH!
thank you, luna, for sharing this insite… its given me a lot to think about.
It’s nice to see this insight finally appear. That a submissive should not require hard pushing in order to be a submissive.
A submissive is supposed to have the aim of pleasing the Dominant of the relationship. Rules are there to structure how to please the Dominant. In return, of course, the Dom guides the submissive, takes care of them and helps them when ever possible.
We all know this. It’s the first thing we ever found out about “the lifestyle”.
So if a submissives aim and pleasure in life is pleasing a Dom why is punishment required in order to prompt such behaviour?
Master,
*grins cause this is the first comment from Master in ages!*
Just as kaya said, it’s not. I’ve had it all wrong. I need to be following the rules first, of my own accord in order to get the attention; postitive or negative. I want to make you happy, always have; I’ve just thought that the only way was to “make” me follow the rules. Follow them before I was ready, before I realized it wasn’t the punishment that I really needed, but the self-realization that I have been holding us back.
I’m sorry. I will work hard from this day on to follow the rules that you have set forth. I know there will be setbacks, but you will be there, holding me up when I struggle and basking in happiness when I succeed.
I love you Master.
–luna
[...] So about 2 weeks ago I had an epiphany with the help of kaya’s wise words. Submission is hard work. The fact that I had constantly thought that Master wasn’t dominant enough turned the tables to I wasn’t submissive enough. I admit that it’s not a natural thing in me, and while many that may read this then equate that to me not being a submissive, I’d like to say something in defense of all those that are not natural submissives. I WANT to be submissive, I crave it, thrive better when I am submissive and do submit. I grow and respond best when under the care of a dominant person. This makes me submissive. This desire, this need, the burning ache in myself. I am just a different submissive than the natural-tendancy folks. [...]