BDSM is Love

You are browsing the archives of 2006 September.

To be in the mood or not in the mood, that’s quite a challenging question. I have been pondering all week just how to get me in the mood to play when it seems apparent that I’m not in my kinky head space. Anything could make me not interested in play, whether it’s work, stress, [...]

Dated 9-20-06
Dear Master,
This has been a very hard week. I don’t feel I’m living up to your expectations. I don’t feel like I’m working hard enough to fix the things that are wrong with me.
Blowjobs. Yes they are hard for me. They have always been that way. I have always thought of them as a [...]

It happened yet again. I can’t even remember all of the heated discussion however I can remember the spark that set it all off.
Wednesday I asked Master to help me with a bit of code that I didn’t know how to do. I had gone online and someone had offered their script for it but [...]

Dated 9-18-06
Dear Master,
Today you asked me to service you. You have yet to define what that means because all of what I do for you is supposed to be service. Does anything I think you might be pleased with considered servicing you? Does it have to be sexual service?
Sex is quite a stumbling block for [...]

(This was written a while ago, but rereading it sure helps me recenter.)
It’s always hard to figure out who you are as a person, I can’t say that I know everything there is to know about myself, but I am willing to give it a try to at least let you see who I think [...]

I’ve been reading a new blog that is a branch off of another I’ve come to love reading. The training of His slut is the beginning of a new life for good girl… she is training to be a lifestyle submissive. This has brought me to more thinking about how my training down the [...]

Dated 9-17-06
Dear Master,
I’m slowly learning a lot about myself and the trigger for my current mood. I strongly believe it stems from my punishment and my disregard for my own self. When I scratched myself I can remember thinking that I wanted to hurt and make you hurt also. I abandoned who I was [...]

Thinking about how hard it is for me to find out why I changed so suddenly. I know that I hold my guilt a lot longer than most people do. I may have been forgiven for something but I don’t forgive myself as easily. I felt so guilty about my issue this summer that I [...]

Dated: 9-14-06
Dear Master,
I’ve gone to writing in a paper journal so that I can try to be more open and honest and so that I don’t try to write for an audience. This is just for you.
I’m still just shocked about last night. I honestly felt that you were ending things. When you cried with [...]

So, ten days after I took a hiatus, I’m back. I think. I’ve been writing personal blog posts to Master on paper. He’s actually liked them because they are more personal. I agree. I write just for him then. This whole blog should be just for him. I should be writing like I do on [...]

I know you didn’t expect me to post since I said I was taking a break. Don’t get too excited. I don’t plan to be gone long, but I’m not back yet. This blog is still technically on hiatus, but Master insisted that I finish my story about our play on Sunday, so here it [...]

This blog is on hiatus.

We had been talking about this day for over a week. Master wanted to schedule time to play. I was more than eager to play as well. I woke up this morning in the right mood as well. BONUS! I took a bath. Last night we got some special preview bath wash from Bath and [...]

I saw this quiz on Journey to the Darkside and just had to see what I got when I punched in my url. It’s quite interesting. Now if you are reading from LJ, this net worth is for my orginal blog: http://the-iron-gate.com/blog. I wonder how I can get a higher net worth….

My blog is worth [...]

Master and I had a wonderful time yesterday with a friend of ours that we haven’t seen in near a year or more. We always learn from her even in casual conversation and it’s great getting to talk and be yourself around her. We talked about lifestyle things, the group we are all members off [...]

Things are really looking up here. We are both working really hard the next few months, but at least there will be money to spare by the end of it. I will finally be able to get my divorce. Master will be able to get a better performance PC, and the bills will be paid [...]

I have a huge coding project on my plate now, the largest I have ever done. It’s a gaming community site, with a profile/blogging system like myspace. Ugh. I will be learning a lot by the time I get this one done. At least when I am done with it I can say that I [...]

As Master and pepe’s angel so kindly pointed out, I seem to concentrate on the negative things in life and not the posititve. It’s not always been that way. I think it has a lot to do with my depressive state at the moment. I do know I have to change my thinking to improve [...]

This is a neverending tale. I am a continuous disappointment in myself and my Master. I do have positive things in my life, but they seem so few and far between that I’m beginning to think that I’m not worth all this. Sometimes I wake up in the morning with all these intentions, hopes for [...]