BDSM is Love

Saying no. This is a difficult essay for me. I assume you wanted me to write about when I say no to sexual things. A lot of the time when I say no, it has reason behind it. The rest of the time, I realize it is excuses. How I feel about saying no is contingent on the reason behind my answer.

Occasion: I am not in the mood. I say no because I’m not in the mood for whatever activity you have requested of me. Usually this is a time that my sexual urges just aren’t present. I feel it is okay for me to say no in this case because I know that you would do the same. I feel just fine saying no when I’m not in the mood.

Occasion: I’m under a lot of stress. I say no because I can’t get past the stressful situation to focus my attention on what you have requested. This happens a lot more than I care to have happen. I do hope that as things level out or get better that my mind will focus less on stressful things and more on my submission work. I feel that when I say no in this state I’m more aggravated that you couldn’t see that I am stressed. I’d like to say that this is a valid reason to say no, but I want to get to the point that this is an excuse and not use it.

Occasion: I just don’t want to. This is an excuse and a half. I don’t have anything good to say about this one. Nothing else holds me back other than I’m just not interested. That is different than not being in the mood. I could be extremely horny during this time and just not want to do whatever it is you have asked of me. I perceive this as a punishable offense.

Occasion: I’m physically grossed out. This generally has to do with something I’m either not comfortable with, afraid of, or in the case of blow jobs, I just don’t like the taste of semen. It can happen during anal sex as well however I think I’m progressing better with that now that enemas aren’t foreplay for that. That was the ultimate gross out. What I can’t decide, is if this is an excuse or a reason. I don’t know if it’s okay to say no, or to just bear it. I get hung up here and this is a time that I feel guilty for saying no. It hurts even more when you show that it’s really affecting you as well. I feel rotten and worthless in these moments and I can’t get over the urge to just say no, even with the self inflicted consequences and your reaction to them.

Occasion: When I know that whatever you have asked will not get me anything in return. I realize this isn’t submissive of me, but I also know that you want me to sexually ferocious and craving more often. I see the only resolution is to “reward” me with more sex for doing something that you wanted, when you know I have an issue with it. At this point in my ‘training’ a Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for me to go on my own merry way and be pleased that I made you happy. I can’t explain it. So I say now because I know that you aren’t going to offer me anything in return.

I know some of these occasions seem greedy. I realize that I am not submissive in the last case at all. But the thing you have to remember is that I’m not fully submissive yet, I am still a normal woman with desires and needs. I do not feel right asking you for things every single time, I like to know that you have my desires at heart as well and can foresee when I might want something.

While I understand that saying no should be a last resort, I don’t feel that it should be taken away. With work between me and you we will work to get these occasions of excuses under control. I know that. I love you and want to make you happy, and myself happy in return.