BDSM is Love

Dated 11-3-06

Dear Master,

Last night was really hard on me. I’ve been stressing about a lot of things lately and disappointing you yet again really hurt. I’ve got so many problems with giving you blowjobs; some of which I’m still realizing. My mind freezes when you ask me to suck your off. I have some hesitation that I won’t be pleasing, that I’m not turned on so I won’t enjoy it at all, to physical w retching from the taste of you. I have never liked the taste, I’ve not hidden that from you, and while I try so hard to get over it; I know it causes me to avoid blowjobs. You and I both know that when I’m in the mood I respond better to you request. Most of the time I am not turned on by just your request. I’ve always believed that blowjobs are a part of something more. It was never the main event and I’m still trying to get over that hurdle.

When you came and held me in your arms, when you listened to me, as I cried about disappointing you yet again I felt your strength and love for me. I could tell you were ready to show me who is in control and tell me “this is the way it is” and make me.

Through all I went through in my head last night I feel stronger and closer to you. Today you proved to me that you will always be with me. You laid with me while I napped, you paid attention to me when I didn’t feel well. Love radiated around me all day. I really do love you Master, so much.

After last night I need to realize that I may never be the submissive I dream of being. I also realize that my dream my not be what you are seeking in me. I know you can see progress and effort to improve, the desire to develop more fully the person I know I am, stripped and bare. I will be exposed and clear of my past. One day I will be easily molded instead of hard as steel. I’m changing and I will continue to change for you Master. I am yours… heart and soul.

–luna