BDSM is Love

I’ll never understand why my libido waxes and wanes so aggressively. Just last week I was insatiable, to the point that my sex was throbbing and aching and I was begging to be left alone. Now I’m even anti touching unless it’s a hug or a kiss. I just can’t explain it. I’m really disturbed by it. While I realize that no one (other than kaya_s Master) can be the energizer bunny, I would like to think that I could try to keep up with Master’s need for sex and sexual attention. No, not me. I’m a dud.

I actually don’t miss masturbation anymore, in fact I don’t crave an orgasm very often. Even when I know it’s Master’s intention sometimes I just don’t want it. What in the world is going on with me? I used to live on 4 o’s a day…. now it’s more like one a week unless my libido is through the roof. My pleasure should be Master’s to decide, but why is it that I try to avoid contact with him for that?

Sex even seems like a chore lately or *gulp* disgusting? I hope this feeling subsides soon as I know for a fact that I happen to love sex, fucking, and everything else we do between the sheets. Maybe I just need a good discipline style spanking?

I’ve found a new project to keep me busy into the dying hours of many a boring day/night. I’m not going to share much about it just yet but trust me it will be fun, exciting and *cross fingers* useful for everyone. Yes, it’s a website.. what else do I do with my time?

My job is discussing the possibility at maybe raising my hours to hopefully full time. (Gee does that sound like it’s totally up in the air or what.) I can hope, pray, meditate over it, but it’s really out of my hands. Full time work would mean no more struggling to pay bills on time, no more putting off new pants to pay that electric bill or eating hotdogs for a week straight because they were the only thing you could afford. I don’t know how long it would take for them to decide one way or the other, but it is promising nonetheless. As promising as it might rain tonight (chances are 50/50).

Master and I are working on my diet again together this time. He is my workout partner 3 days a week so that I can get my 90 mins a week in (goal is 3 hours a week by Spring). He also has issued a rule, decree, whatever that whenever I eat I have to get approval first. He is in essence in control of whatever I put in my mouth. It’s hard, very hard but he’s keeping me on track and that’s what I need right now until I can start loosing again. The motivation to continue will come when success is at my door once again. I love Master so much for stepping up to the plate to do that for me.

–luna