BDSM is Love

There’s really no change in my life right now. I’m at a point now that either something drastic will change or I will scream at the top of my lungs just to shatter the silence my life has brought out. I’m still waiting to hear about possible contract changes to bring me to full time hours. I’m still struggling paycheck to paycheck, always 2 weeks behind. I’m still not doing what I had set as my goals for this year and I know I could try harder, I really do.

Why I’m so hard on myself is another thought. Ya know when things are going well when Master turns to look at you several times just to tell you he loves you, to wink at your or to touch you. All is right with the world when he does that. I don’t know why I can’t be right with myself. I have to almost compete with the world.

I have several changes planned for the Iron Gate, but no real drive to start them. I have an administration section only half done for Sensual Service. I have my vanilla site dream that has been stagnant for over a year and now that I am more advanced coding wise– it really should be redone altogether. I’ve been playing around with wp templates, although I could never be as good as a designer in that respect. My ideas will always be based on code. Perhaps my weekends will be better spent when I actually plan them out.

Tomorrow we are going to our local munch. It’s been several months since the last time we went and I know Master and I are looking forward to some chat with all our of our friends; old and new. I wish everyday that we were closer to some of our friends, that we could just call them up and meet them for dinner or coffee, but it’s over an hour away… and just not feasible when you live on a tight budget like we do.

Gosh I hope that someday we can live as we want to live; comfortable and free of money stress. I’d really like that.