BDSM is Love

As I noted in a previous entry, I am done with a website that has taken up my time for over 4 months. Now that I am not doing anything after work in the morning I have developed some rather troublesome symptoms.

I’m snappy with Master, I’m irritated at the slightest things, I’m bored, I have no motivation, I’m constantly worried and lazy. From what I can tell it stems from not having more to do. This is not to say that there isn’t anything to do. I’m a terrible housekeeper. I always have cleaning I could do. I have my personal websites that I have plans for. I’ve got 4+ blogs I could be thinking and writing for. This list could go on and on. But am I doing it? No. I’m snappy at Master and that’s a bad thing in itself.

He gave me some direction though, and I’m going to try it out. He said he’d be glad to give my tasks to do, chores to complete and otherwise keep me busy throughout my day. I made a deal with him. If he doesn’t see an improvement in me with my busy level and my attitude in the next week he is more than welcome to help structure my days. I’d like to try to get this going on my own. It seems more fulfilling if I self motivate and improve. I can’t explain why.

So, all this week I will see how I can maintain getting things done on my own. That will include repairing my testy attitude so that it’s more to Master’s liking. If at the end of this week he feels I have not made a decent enough improvement he holds the reigns on my free time. I’m kinda nervous as to what that would entail, so I’m going to give this week my best shot. Another thought though… If I do succeed this week and he is appeased I have to keep it up! Hard lesson of course. Worth it? Yes!

–luna