BDSM is Love

I am terrible with taking hints, I can’t do requests very well and I’m never obliged to offer my services. This has to change; but why am I that way to begin with? Why can’t I take a suggestion like, “Hmm, I’m thinking a hand job might be nice.” and turn it into “He wants a hand job so do it” mentality. I really don’t consider it a request. I mean when I say, hmm I’m thinking chicken sounds good, that doesn’t mean I’m going to get it… it’s just a thought. For Master it means he wants it.

Master has been getting angry with me lately, and for good reason too. I’ve just not been taking a hint. If he doesn’t come right out and request or demand something I don’t take it as something he wants/needs. He said that’s very childish of me and perhaps it is. I’m not questioning my actions, just my perceptions. What I perceive as a hint really could be a request. A request could be a demand and then again it could be nothing more than a meandering thought.

My challenge is to try and get all of these into my brain and react instinctively, impulsively so that Master’s needs are met even if he’s just thinking about something. Hard thing is; I’m not naturally submissive and I can’t get my head around the mindset to do it because it makes him happy.  I still deep down think about what’s in it for me and making him happy never comes to the top of the list. I don’t know why; I can’t explain it. My goal in this wandering post is to at least think about it a bit.