BDSM is Love

The main reason I’m trying to raise money for the Domestic Violence Project is because I know how hard it can be to distinguish abuse from a safe, consensual relationship. I’ve done my research and know that the line between pleasure and pain is not only blurred but can be diluted as well. In a later posts I will be discussing characteristics and warning signs of a dangerous BDSM relationship (or other relationship for that matter) but for now I have a couple very good essays about the fact that violence lives in the SM community as well.

The first one is by Master Eso and is titled “Defining Abuse in Absolute and Total Power Exchange.” He brings in some very good points that the definition of abuse is subjective and different for each person. He discusses some common definitions of abuse and how they would or would not be applicable in a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship. Maser Eso’s definition of abuse in an SM relationship is, “‘Abuse’ is doing something to someone, else that you have no right to do, or having them do something to you that they have no right to, or to use or be used wrongly or improperly.” I highly recommend you read the whole essay. It is very enlightening, but here’s a snippet that encapsulates his main point:

Our through the practice of Absolute and Total Power Exchange inherited inability to find a clear standard of definition of abuse in APE/TPE, of course, leaves us in a real dilemma.

Who gets to define and set standards as to what is acceptable and what not ? Who gets to say my Kink is good and your Kink is bad ? Who has the right to impose and dictate their limits and regulations on all others ? Who gets to determine what’s right or wrong for everyone else ?

The simple truth is, it doesn’t mean a thing what you might think or say. It really means squat what even I think or say. And in APE/TPE it doesn’t even matter what a slave might think. Unless a definition of “abuse” in APE/TPE can be found and established as a standard which is applicable to everyone, it only matters what a slaves Master thinks or says.

Jan Hall has another excellent essay on a website that I will only touch on here ( I have a separate post planned about this website and it’s help in the cause). Jan wrote an essay titled, “Domestic Violence In The S/M Community” on the Wings of Fire website. This site is set up specifically for DM survivors of all walks of life. She touches on recognizing abuse and promoting activism in the community.

Leather groups in our are crucial to reducing violence. Invite knowledgeable speakers; lead discussions; print up a list for members of what resources in your area are s/m-supportive. Educate your local legal and social service system about our lifestyle; encourage their appropriate intervention.

–luna

Up Next:

Ask luna question #2
What is one of your goals at the moment as a submissive?