Comparison Relationships
Let’s think about two different relationships. One is a husband/wife from the midwest with 3 kids. They’ve been married 15 years and to the outside they are a happy loving, successful marriage. The marriage bed is another senario altogether. The husband forces himself on her almost every night, he holds her down, spits on her and practically rapes her. He leaves nail marks on her body and finishes with her in a crying, sloppy mess as he snores. She hides her marks with turtlenecks and glasses. She has a drinking problem and rarely hangs out with her friends; preferring isolation.
Is this sexual/physical abuse?
Now, take the same couple with a few subtle changes. The husband and wife are Dominant and submissive. They have a 15 year marriage with 3 kids. To the outside they are a happy loving, successful couple. Their kinky consensual sex life includes forced sex, humiliation, bondage and pain. The husband forces himself on her almost every night, he holds her down, spits on her and practically rapes her. He leaves nail marks on her body and finishes with her in a crying, sloppy mess as he holds her and falls to sleep. She is active in public communities and friendly and open to all of her friends. Her favorite topic of conversation is the love she has for her husband.
Is this sexual/physical abuse?
Now readers I’ll ask you to define to me why you think one is abuse, they both are abuse or there is no abuse. I need comments! What’s the difference?
My response is coming up in 30 minutes. Tell me what you think!
–luna
Sir Areli
subgirl007
Mara Tudor
Radha
Her girl
Seems pretty clear to me. The woman in the first situation is being abused. The woman in the second situation is not.
If the D/s is consensual then it's not abuse, I would say.
No doubt the first relationship the Vanilla one is the abusive relationship. Great post.
The first is sexual abuse, the second isn't.
To my knowledge, dominance isn't about the abuse of power, it's knowing how far you can go and providing the security in the relationship with that dominance. The second wife feels secure in the relationship. Even if their actions seems otherwise, the husband still comforts her at the end of it.
The first has no comfort. It has no security. The wife is ashamed and scared. That's abuse, not just a dominant submissive relationship.
The first one is abuse… (unless of course, the wife is secretly happy in that relationship… although from what you say, i doubt it)
I believe that as long as everything that happens is consensual, it doesn't qualify as abuse. Assuming the husband (or Dominant) in the 2nd relationship is not doing anything that was not agreed upon, that he is not forcing the wife (or submissive) to do anything that is a hard limit, then I don't think it is abuse.
I agree with the other two comments. The first is abuse, the second is a loving D/s relationship.