BDSM is Love

uncreatedsnow brought this scenario to me and asked if I could talk about it; that it’s good for my theme this year:

Well an old boyfriend was trying to get back together with me, and being disinterested i explained that i was into kink/bdsm/etc. and that it just wouldn’t work or be the same… after explaining to me that he and his last girlfriend did “that stuff” i engaged in a conversation about it, everyone likes to think they are kinky, few really are ya know? We got to talking about how she wanted him to hit her and he did and he can’t see how this is a lifestyle based on love and trust. His words were “she had tears rolling down her face, that’s not love.” And for them, no maybe it wasn’t love, or whatever, but i know that the tears I cry for Sir aren’t anything but an overflow of love and trust and joy.

It’s not an easy topic to cover, but it is one that is helpful for my Blogathon effort today. First being a little bit kinky such as this boyfriend; he had no idea the depths that a lifestyle person reaches. He questioned the girl’s response to the pain she endured and couldn’t see that there would be love and trust in a relationship like that. He saw that the request she made and the actions he took as abuse because of her reaction. It is the interpretation of that reaction that blurs the lines between BDSM and abuse.

Why he thinks it is abuse

He was likely brought up told not to make a woman cry. He was also probably told that he shouldn’t hit a woman. These societal morals are ingrained in men. Hitting people is bad. Physical violence is usually a leading sign of abuse in a relationship. He felt he was hurting her. It wasn’t okay in his mind.

The tears she was crying may have been much like uncreatedsnow feels when she’s with her Sir. It could have been an outpouring of love and emotion. There is a lot of speculation here. Some of which I don’t think I can do justice in my mostly sleepy state.

I’m going to bookmark this post and come back to it when I’m more coherent.

–luna