BDSM is Love

The nipple clamp training is going nowhere. I can’t get past 5 minutes. Master tried to lift the ring in the middle today and I about panicked. This isn’t fair. I want to please him and I want to be able to take more pain, especially in the nipples where he seems to get the most rise. I know it’s not a fast process but if after a week I can not go any longer than where I started it would be faster to watch paint dry. I really hate nipple clamps. I cried the whole time they were on tonight. Master didn’t even let it go the whole 5 minutes because he said my emotional state was different than previous times. Even so I was determined to let it get to 5 minutes at least.

We’ve done so much this week sexually and play wise. I’m beginning to feel exhausted. I had planned a wonderful day of lingerie and sex, more lingerie and more sex. After this morning it withered and hasn’t come back since. Master’s looking forward to what I can no longer provide and I feel horrible. I feel like I’m letting him down. I know I’m letting myself down.

Saturday we were at the rope demo and Master tied me into a hogtie for the first time. It got me all floaty and I felt good for hours. We had to postpone driving back until I was lucid enough.

Monday was an attempt at a scene of Master’s devising to push my limits. The nipple clamps came into that one and I panicked. Master ended the scene and crashed hard. He forcefully face fucked me a while later and it left me feeling… terrified. I’m not sure what I was scared of. I had no control over what was happening and that scared me, I know that. But Master cares for me and knows where my limits are and even after asking me in the middle if I wanted to stop and I said no I could see that he knew it was affecting me on a deep scale.

Tuesday was an intense flogging. My back is still sore from it. I took more impact pain than I have in years. It was delicious and fun. I nearly collapsed in pleasure and endorphine space. It was so wonderful Master and I both were in a silly mindset for some time afterwards followed by an ice cream and candy craving at the local convenience store.

Thursday Master tied me up again in a very restrictive hogtie, chest harness, arm sleeve thing that had m feeling wonderful and achy all at once.

We’ve had anal sex twice (one was a trade off for butt plug day; I asked for anal sex instead) and he plans once more before Monday. I’ve given a handful of blow jobs and been fucked more times that I could count. I feel great, my pussy is pretty darn sore and begging for more, I have had intense orgasms and crave more attention.

I’m getting to the end of what I can take in one week I think. We are going on an overnight stay tomorrow in Dubuque and Master is bringing one of my favorite toys, his hands. He wants to give me a spanking in the hotel room. I’m game for it. I just hope that my emotional and physical self is.

I just don’t want to let him down, I don’t want to disappoint him. I can’t let my body win. I have to show him that I am his sexual slut, his always available whore when he wants me. I have the spirit; allow my body to follow.

–luna