BDSM is Love

I just did one of the hardest things I think I’ve had to do so far in my submissive life. I went to Master and told him that I’ve been slacking on my rules and felt that I should be punished. Yesterday was my shaving day and instead of shaving it all off (save my coochie, cause if you recall… it’s irritated) I just did my legs. I thought I’d just do the rest today and he wouldn’t know since he’s so busy and stressed with work. Well I was right, he didn’t notice but the guilt I had in me this morning was more than I could bear.

Then I thought that I should be punished for not doing my cardio exercise on Tuesday and not making it up Wednesday. It is now Thursday and I have to do strength training and cardio again today. I really can’t make up Tuesday’s now. I guess I would let this one go however I knew for a fact that I had plenty of time to make up the cardio yesterday while I sat and watched movies. I had time and I didn’t do it. I’m letting Master down.

When I called him this afternoon he seemed surprised that I thought I needed punishment for the exercise thing. It is only affecting my overall success (which doesn’t appear to be happening this week as I’m beginning to bloat). I asked Master to help me take more responsibility for my life change and I guess this is part of what I want him to take on. I really need to get that calendar up on the wall so that I can mark things off and so that he can monitor me better.

So when I get home I have a caning coming. It is Master’s tool of choice when dolling out punishment. I hate the cane, I’m afraid of the cane and so I think that is how it became the punishment tool. Any other time it’s hidden from view. I don’t think Master will ever play with it during a scene now that it’s connected to punishment. Caning for punishment is always English style compared to the Western style. It’s harsh, it’s hard and there is no warm up.

Atonement is coming.

–luna