VT vs. RT
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From Submissive Journal Prompts:
“What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print.” -Isadora Duncan
I began my journey into D/s and BDSM in online chat rooms; namely those on IRC (BDSM-Net and Bondage.com). I knew nothing of what the lifestyle would be for me, only the fantasy that I lived when I got home from class or work; it was a retreat from the everyday hardship that I was living with. I felt the control release and the pleasure of making someone else happy. I loved the creative talent it afforded me in my poetry and writing, the scenes I participated in. It became an art. I fell in love with the fantasy of it. Even when I accepted an online collar I thought that there was no way I could really love this in real. The activities I participated in, the rules I followed, the tasks assigned to me all seemed a part of the fantasy.
I didn’t understand why those that were ‘real’ shunned the way I behaved and looked down on my personae as one that would be trapped in online play for all my life. I didn’t understand what they were talking about when they talked about service and hardship in surrender, about the pleasure of being there for their owner, about serving and the pride in the words, “good girl”. I never understood the reality of what I was playing in.
Until one day I started asking a lot of important questions of myself. I wanted to experience the SM for real. I wanted to be tied up and see what the draw to my pleasure senses was. I wanted to know what it was like to kneel and serve someone. I wanted to hear “good girl” for something I had done. Was it going to remain fantasy? I seriously didn’t know. I thought that maybe it would just lead to kinky sex and I was okay with that also. I really didn’t know what I wanted nor could I have imagined that my life would be as it is now or where it will be in years to come. My surrender was not easy and there are parts of it that I still cling to; a part of my independence that Master is allowing me to hang on to.
I’ve known submissives that can only experience online or LDR relationships. I do not shun them as I was shunned. I know the desire and the pull to live it in any form you can. I was lucky, I guess, and left my husband to explore the part of me drawn to BDSM, the service and surrender specifically. I’ve been able to embrace the relationship I am in and am so very thankful for the role I played online to test the waters.
Online is no substitute and you can’t learn all that there is to know about living this life from essays and forums. You have to experience it to truly know. Every journey is different but I am grateful for my online VT beginnings. Without them I would not have met my Master. Now we live happily together.
But even now I can’t see how to explain how my life is to someone online. I don’t know how to put my service to him in words that someone with no experience or ability to experience would understand. I don’t think words like that really exist.
–luna
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i do not understand why people look down on others whose realm of experience is mostly online. it has more than upset me numerous times. i’d join a group and discuss topics, trying to relate my limited experience. in the next breath they dismiss new subs as fakes, players in the scene, oeople living in fantast, weekend kinksters, etc. i resent that, i may not have the luxury of living with Him or having played with him, but that doesn’t make my feelings less valid. my desire to serve him can mirror or surpass yours. i see other groups not accepting of anyone unless they know people in the scene. i hope this isn’t what i have to look forward to should i ever get close to a metro area where more groups are active. i see it as outright snobbery to be honest.
[Reply]
lolidoll reply on November 26, 2007 8:06 pm:
oh the typos were fierce today, sorry.
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luna reply on November 27, 2007 1:19 pm:
Exactly my thoughts, my feelings weren’t any less valid when I had limited to no experience than when I moved in with my current Master. It was amazing to me to experience the cliquish behavior in online groups.
I have no experienced the same thing in real life groups, and in fact they are more welcoming to newbies that have little to no experience. I think it’s more of a protect the innocent charge type of reaction. Making sure new members are safe in their explorations.
Interesting thing now is that when I return to my old IRC haunts I don’t feel as welcome either. Now that I have experience I get the old cold shoulder of ‘What are you doing here?’ I just think too many people hold prejudice over those that are not exactly like they are.
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what does VT mean? I’m guessing it means virtual something or other.
I myself have never been a sub or slave, but I’m considering it and researching it (via blogs). I learn so much, thank you for sharing your life with us.
-Vicki
[Reply]
luna reply on December 2, 2007 3:10 pm:
VT means virtual time as opposed to RT for real time.
Good luck with your research!
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