BDSM is Love

Orgasm denial and control is a well documented activity online; you can find all sorts of thoughts and opinions, how-tos and what nots from anyone and everyone under the sun. I’m not intending to add any more new ideas to this topic. Here are, in my opinion, a couple of the better written essays out there:

SMack! Orgasm Control and Training

Enforced Male Chastity: Questions about Orgasm Denial

If you know of any others, please drop it in the comments and I will add it

When Master said that I was to only orgasm when he said so I was baffled at two things. The first being the challenge of coming when he said so. The second was my willpower to not come if he said no. The battle of wills would be pushed over and over again. When my ability to masturbate was taken away I was sure that I would shrivel up into a prude and loose all desire for sex. I was half right.

Let me begin with the command to come. At first I was unsure how that would go. I can’t just come by thinking about it and I knew from experience that I was the only one that could get me off in 30 seconds flat. How I was going to be ready to come when he said so was a question that came up right away. Well, it turns out I was worried for nothing. He would ask of course, if I was on the edge, if I was wanting to come soon. No pressure right? That meant I had to learn to relax and let myself feel and become more a part of my orgasm than I ever had in the past. I had to learn to control it. I had to learn to voice when I was close. Both of these things were very hard.

The main reason I was doubtful of being able to come on command was that I was very unsure that Master would be able to touch the right spots, turn me on so much that he could do it. Past experience was lacking in that department. I came into this relationship not expecting to come without my own two fingers. That was quickly rectified. He is quite sharp at picking up my sighs and shivers and knowing (and remembering) exactly where I want and need to be touched. I’ve never been happier with Master’s abilities.

My other doubt was what would happen when he said, “Come!” and I couldn’t. What if I just was too embarrassed, not ready, his finger moved and I lost the moment, or something else happened. Would I be letting him down? Would he try to get me back there or would he say I had my chance and now it was over? What if I wasn’t able to relax and let it wash over me once he gave permission? All valid questions at the time. Talking with Master reassured me completely. If I wasn’t ready or something happened last moment all I need do was say so. He wouldn’t leave me hanging unless that was the game he was playing and I shouldn’t feel embarrassed if I just couldn’t get there when he wanted me to. We’d work on all of it.

It was inevitable that there would be a moment when I was so close to coming that when I asked he said ‘No’. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and bucked, fighting his fingers, grabbing them so that he would stop because my whole core said that something bad would happen if I came anyway. ‘Holding it’ is almost impossible. I pant, I squeeze my eyes shut. I beg harder. It’s a game to him. To me it’s a will to obey. I have not yet come without permission; he likes to watch me struggle and then give me release after a few denials. A dirty trick, for sure!

Master took my ability to masturbate away from me for a long duration. During that time my sexual drive actually plummeted and it had a detrimental effect on our relationship. I have my ability to masturbate again ( as long as I tell him I did so ). It’s a relief mechanism, stress reliever and I find it harder than ever now. It’s not like if I got caught in the act I would be in trouble. I find it hard to tell him in the morning that I had masturbated because I don’t want him to think that I didn’t want him. Masturbation for me hasn’t really ever been about pleasure. I don’t think it ever will be.

To come for Master when he commands it is highly more pleasurable than I ever thought it could be. I do have to get over the humiliation of begging for permission. I really do hate it. He says I’m getting better at it, and for that I’m grateful. It will mean that one day I will be perfect at begging? Maybe. Maybe he’ll just set the bar higher then. Either way, coming when he wants it is a powerful piece of my submission in his hands. And I like it like that.