BDSM is Love

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During our munch this past Saturday we talked about training; specifically about training a submissive undergoes. I used myself as example quite a bit because I know what I’ve been through to process the training I am constantly under. From the humble beginnings of please and thank yous to opening doors, the proper apology into anal training, blow job training and the SM side of things as well. Master made a point to say that Dominants treat everything as training, where submissives have to have clear lines of distinction to know what is training and what isn’t. I guess I can see why that is. It’s hard for me to fathom the fact that the way I make his dinner and take care of his house is the same as how I make his coffee or how I address him. It just feels different.

I’m feeling a lot more like myself lately. I have a balance that I haven’t had in awhile. I’m feeling sexual and craving sex and sexual attention. My need for kissing has grown immensely and love the thoughts I have on the way home from work now, which are full of sexual thoughts and deviant dreams. Oh how I hope it lasts.

I’ve begun the butt plug training again and I find a more calm with it; while I don’t like it just yet I am resigned to the fact that he does and so I do it. I’m grateful that I can wear it as part of my bedtime routine now and so the time I’m wearing it is while sleeping (until it wakes me and I have to remove it). I’m certain that with time I could wear it all night and that would please Master greatly.

It’s a constant struggle to not speak authoritatively and there have been several times that Master has to correct me. I’m usually in a commanding mindset and just give orders instead of asking or phrasing in a more subservient manner. I’m sure it will come with practice.

My training also means I need to work on my self image as well as developing the ability to watch Master even when my concentration is elsewhere. I’d like to be more attentive and know when he wants or needs things before he can ask for them. Is it just a dream or fantasy? I don’t know, but I’d like to try.

–luna

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