BDSM is Love

Reliving Childhood

luna — Sat, 17 May 2008 02:17:07 +0000

When I was 13 I listened to New Kids all the time. I was a hard core fan. I had the sheets set, my 4 walls were covered in posters, magazine pictures and a great big wall tarp with their images emblazoned on it. (I might still have that in my keepsake box.) Today they sang again on stage after 15 years apart. I am a happy girl. I’m silly and giddy, smiling and thinking fantastic things about how innocent my childhood was then. Master said he’s going to get tired of the New Kids really fast. Hopefully I can get a mp3 player and add all the NKOTB songs I want and he’ll just watch me sing them in silence.

Their new single is pretty good and I can’t wait for their album to be released so that I can hear how well they work together after so long. Is anyone else as excited as I am?

My carpal tunnel flared up this week and so I’ve had to put off giving Master oral sex all week and I’ve actually been in the mood! The pain has been so bad that I’ve wanted to not allow anyone or anything touch me. The pain meds have helped and the anti-inflammatory meds are working. He’s anxious for when my wrists heal enough for me to do him right and I’d love for that to be tonight. We’ll have to see where the evening takes me.

–luna

New Kids on the Today Show!

luna — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:26:07 +0000

Thursday Question #34: Getting Too Old for BDSM

luna — Thu, 15 May 2008 04:00:38 +0000

Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at luna’s Journey. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!

Is there an age where you should consider retiring from BDSM activities? Is there an age that you shouldn’t play at public events any more? Can you get too old for the Lifestyle?

Weight Loss Report for 5-14-08

luna — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:10:21 +0000

As an incentive to see how I’m doing I’ve readded a ticker to my sidebar. You can watch how I progress to my goal for Shibaricon next year. I hope to be 50 lbs+ lighter by then. Here’s to good progress and positive results!

I’ve been exercising as scheduled with Master’s help. The access to the computer is probably having a huge impact on it. No exercise, no computer. Simple as that. I’ve been doing Walk Away The Pounds. I have a few of the workouts and the one I’m tackling now is the 4 mile express super challenge. I can do 2 miles (30 mins). I’d like to move it up to 3 miles next week. We’ll have to see. I’m feeling less exhausted after the workout and sweating more. Hopefully the scale will start to show a change soon.

Eating has been good. I bought healthy food to eat and guess what? I’m eating it! The catch is that Master is too! Yay! He’s going to be trim and sexier before I am but the bonus will be that I won’t be far behind. We will be one hot couple!

Several times I have started separate weight loss journals without success. I really don’t know why I felt the need to separate it from my life here. Everything else of my life is mixed in so taking parts out was actually really difficult.

–luna

No scale progress to report yet.

Pounds lost since last week: 0

Pounds to lose by Shibaricon 2009: 50

NKOTB’s First Single in Reunion: “Summertime”

luna — Wed, 14 May 2008 00:25:48 +0000

Yay, it’s out and I have it! Enjoy the first single from NKOTB since they got back together!

Cock Worship

luna — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:53:24 +0000

Master has a beautiful cock. I love just looking at it. He is generally okay with my analysis when I like to stroke the veins, play with the triangular patch of skin of his ball sack until it wrinkles and I love watching it grow and move. I could spend hours transfixed at his crotch watching the foreskin slide back and forth, running my nails along the shaft and marveling at the purple color of his swollen head. This is not cock worship, it’s my fascination.

I’ve been learning what pleases Master when it comes to his dick and the way I pleasure him. I don’t always get it right and as you’ve read recently I have different ways that oral pleasure is treated. What really drives him wild is when I’m cock hungry and quite a whore. I enjoy my sexual freedom of those time too. Master has said that I’m an amazing cock sucker, but I wasn’t always this way.

It’s taken a lot of patience and practice. Something he’s willing to sacrifice for me to get it right. I take his direction and I try to cement it in my mind as something he likes. It’s almost like a play book. If I do this one way, then I know he’ll respond like that, but if I do it this way he’ll really respond like this! My current study is two-fold: deep throating and swallowing. I’d prefer if I never had to swallow, but alas that argument has been dismissed. I don’t practice these new techniques nearly enough for Master. I’d like to get really good at everything to do with his cock, since it is so special to both of us.

I’d like to worship it, I’d like to get so good at pleasing him with the right whore-mindset that he’s always satisfied and I’m contented. I’d like to take it out of my service and place it in sex. Which is a whole other thought process right there.

I don’t consider oral sex to be sex. I don’t think I ever have. It’s always been a separate part of what I do with my partners. Creating a cock worshiping scene would, I think, separate it even more so. Not bad at all, just different. I think it would definitely be a better way for me to show my submission if I can get into the right space to give him this type of blow job when I know there won’t be anything else involved. Just his sexual pleasure.

I’d like to be comfortable enough to not use my hands as a guard when I’m deep throating or he’s face fucking me. I get so scared that I’ll suffocate or gag or worse. I’d like to give that control over to Master someday. It’s all a process.

I’ve come a long way from where I started. Yes I sucked cock before I met Master, but not a whole lot. I think you can count the number of times I did it for my ex on one hand (but there were other circumstances there), I did it to my casual sex partners because I knew that if I did it, they’d do it in return. I think there was one dominant play partner I did it with. I don’t think I was that great because I was always getting pointers from them; I just took it in stride as they were open enough to express their personal preferences. No one said I was bad at it.

I was. I’ve learned how not to do it, and how to do it better. I’ve learned a lot about the feel of Master’s dick in my mouth and what he does and doesn’t like. I’m learning what will make my pleasure mood come out so that he gets his cock slut more often. I like it when I’m his cock slut. (and cum slut, fuck slut, pain slut, rope slut, etc…)

Master says I’m improving. I like to hear that. I like knowing that even though I’m not always in the mood I’m still learning what he likes. I have a long way to go before he’s satisfied with my services. I have a longer way to go to be satisfied with my response.

Either way, Master has a beautiful cock.

–luna

Serving to Serve vs. Serving for Pleasure

luna — Fri, 09 May 2008 17:19:10 +0000

Serving to serve is one form of service I provide my Master. Somehow I’ve compartmentalized it from service for pleasure. It could just be my way of providing more service to him in different ways.

An example of service to serve is when I’m not in the mood for a blow job but I know he would appreciate it. In this service mindset my submission is harder to get to and it may appear to him that I’m doing it with reluctance. That is the case mostly but I am still performing for him. When in this state I look to him for enjoyment. I get my submissive feelings from his dominance of me and his overall enjoyment of whatever I’m doing. I’m not doing this for my benefit at all. I don’t seek to get any pleasure in this state. It’s all about him and his needs.

Most of the time I know this form of service is not what Master likes at all and he’d rather wait until I’m out of the service to serve mode to get what he wants. He prefers that I get pleasure out of my service. I think he’s missing out on all that I can provide him by preventing me to serve in this way. There are other times that I serve to just serve but there is always a hang up when it relates to sexual activities.

Like when I make his coffee or order his food at a restaurant. I don’t derive pleasure from these acts, but they are a form of my submission to him and I am serving him in the same capacity as the sexual acts. He appreciates when I serve him in this way and I find it a valuable part of my service to him.

However sexual acts, like blowjobs, bring about a disinterest really; I don’t like to give blowjobs most of the time. It’s just not something I’ve ever liked immensely. We continue to work on my submission with this, as it’s something that I know he wants desperately to be something I enjoy doing. And I do, sometimes. I enjoy it when I know it’s not the only act, or that I’m getting something from it. I enjoy it if I’m already horny too. Certainly it makes sense that he’ll get more enjoyment out of seeing me enjoying myself.

I’m kidding myself if I think that he will ever get pleasure out of my serving to serve mode since I don’t have any outward appearance to be enjoying myself. In fact I’ve frequently given distasteful looks to him when he asks for a blowjob. I know that it isn’t submissive like to appear to be appalled at the request of a blow job, but right now I just can’t be the blowjob lover. I don’t know if I ever will be. But I’m working on it; and it can be discussed in another post.

What I’m hoping to convey in serving to serve mode is that his desire is my command, no matter what my emotions may be I will obey him. The happily part will have to come later on I think. I can only work on one thing at a time. Right now my service mode is one of contentment and obedience. Something I don’t think I had a year ago, let alone 6 months ago. I’ve been able to break down walls inside and allow myself to accept submission when I don’t want to do it (most of the time).

I love Master very much and hope that one day I can please him when my pleasure isn’t a factor. Right now he’s bypassing it and waiting until my pleasure is evident. I don’t know if I need to concede defeat and work on being eternally pleased with everything he asks of if being genuine is more his desire. I feel that the smile on my face may be painted on, but the heart is still serving. Why turn down that?

Master the Drill Sergeant

luna — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:25:41 +0000

Last week I wrote about my issues with exercise and dieting in general. After that post Master spoke to me about how he doesn’t like the depression I get into when I don’t do well with my diet. It was a difficult discussion for me because I knew that if I asked him to take over this part of my life that I was not going to like the result. Especially since we both know I work better off of punishment than rewards.

And I was right. Exercise is now a part of my rules.

I must exercise at least 30 minutes every other day.
Weekdays on an exercise day: I can not use my computer after work until I exercise.
Weekends on an exercise day: I can not use my computer at all until I exercise.
I can not skip a day. If I don’t exercise on the exercise day I do not get my computer access until I make the missed time up.

I don’t like these new rules at all and I can’t say whether I will survive safely. I’ve only been doing this since Saturday. Today is an exercise day. When I get home from work I can’t log into my chat or email until I have exercised 30 minutes. Yuck. My Master, the drill sergeant. And he knows exactly what will hurt to lose.

My diet on the other hand is a little bit good and a little bit bad. I’m watching what I eat and making smarter choices. I am not entering it into my food diary though. I wish I was. I’m eating some veggies, a little fruit and I’m trying to limit the sweets and snacks. I really am having a problem committing to the entire program. I’m terrified if Master gets fed up and decides to run it all. It’s just not what I want.

Now, I know I want to lose weight for my health. I am doing this for me and not for Master. He isn’t making me lose weight. He wants me healthy, that’s all. This excess weight is causing health issues that I need to control. Sooner or later I’m going to find the fight I need to get healthy. Could be today, could be tomorrow. It better be soon. I have goals.

Last week’s weight loss: 0

Weight to lose before Shibaricon 2009: 50 lbs.

Two Knotty Boys: Dragonfly Sleeve

luna — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:53:36 +0000

Sex Survey #3

luna — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:00:27 +0000

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night?

I love morning sex but we only get it on weekends.
2. Better Sex Music: Sade or Marvin Gaye?

Neither, I like Godsmack, NIN and Guns and Roses for sex.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Video?

I have to choose? I love both!

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr. Doug Ross or Dr. Greg House?

Doug Ross

5. Vibrator or Dildo?

Dildos hands down. Vibrators do nothing for me, unless it’s on the ropes.

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?

On, definitely on. It’s to the point now that lights off is almost taboo.

7. Word preference: Pussy or Cunt?

I like to say pussy but like to hear cunt.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?

Over the knee, on the bed, spanking horse, and during sex; why limit ourselves?

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Airplane?

Elevator. More room and you know there’s usually a security camera.

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?

Peter North! Damn he’s got a fine cock.

11. Word preference: Cock or Dick?

Love to say cock, but would prefer to hear dick.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?

Jenna Jameson! Mmmm.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?

Rope, must have rope.

14. Give a Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?

Anal sex all the way. I can’t stand the idea of rimming at all.

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?

I’d probably have to go with call girl. I’d get rich quicker and have less insults.

16. Which threesome: Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?

I’d prefer 2 boys but I’m okay with another girl too. Just as long as we aren’t expected to do things we don’t want to.

17. Flavored Oil or Tingling Oil?

Tingling oil. I hate flavored oils.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?

Necklace. Anyone who reads this blog knows I hate the taste!

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex with a Stranger?

Oh, while they watch for sure. See how hot is is to know that others are wanking to you.

20. Tied to the Bed or Tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross?

I’ve never experienced a cross, so I’ll vote for bed until I know for sure.