BDSM is Love

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I’m not doing so well keeping up with my blogging rule. I know that it will end up in the punishment book to be atoned for on Sunday. I was supposed to write a letter to Master on Sunday and I didn’t blog yesterday either. Now I’m writing to kinda make up for yesterday even [...]

Master had me take a sleeping pill last night to help me sleep. I didn’t stay asleep as I had hoped but I think the sleep I did get was more restful. I don’t feel as tired today. Thank God.
Master and I have started a bit of a sexual banter with each other. This is [...]

I’ve gained 5 lbs in one week. Surprising right? Well not as bad as the fact that I asked Master to be my conscience and I never listened to him. He’d ask me if I really needed to eat something and I’d just go ahead and do it. It’s my own darn fault and like [...]

Leatherstrap asks me:
I played with a lady tonite who set out very clearly that she wanted to play rough - in fact she wanted to be brought to tears - She had a safe word which she didnt call but as the session went on it became apparent that she wasnt well - I stopped [...]

We’ve been planning to evolve the current munch group into a better more community friendly group lately and with that comes a lot of brainstorming sessions, a lot of work and writing and planning, policy work, topic ideas and dreams of being able to do it all and succeed. The current group as it stands [...]

I’ve seen this floating around and thought I’d add my own thoughts:
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Went to a porn shop. I’ve not been afraid to, just never had the desire. Now I think Master and I go just as frequently as any other specialty store.
2. Did you keep [...]

I have a writing assignment that actually was supposed to be done during my vacation week but it slipped my mind and now I’m working on it. Well, I’m thinking about it. I’m not really sure what I should say exactly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head but something is holding me [...]

Today was the first day of my relaxation after work, to try to get my mind off of work and back into submissive space. Shortly after I got home Master ordered me to a bath and as the hot water soaked into my pores I began to unwind. I think the whole thing worked! I’ve [...]

I’ve had some very enlightening comments to my situation as of late. I do appreciate every comment I’ve gotten and they have really helped me see a few things about myself that just took someone looking in instead of me looking out.
I choose to be submissive; I guess that’s a harder journey than someone that [...]

Dear Master,
Well, so I have my new rules and I’m not really surprised.  I thought that they would be really challenging. Now I’m not saying these are easy at all! I noticed you have a theme of protocol this time. I really hope I can make you happy by following them as best as possible.
I [...]

I read a post from a LJ friend today that rang so true with me that I’d like to post a bit here and then talk about how it relates to my life. puzzle of PolyBDSMMadHouse said that,
when Sir is lenient, it undermines me, and makes me feel as if he doesn’t care about the [...]

Dated: 10-21-06
Dear Master,
I am your little slut today. I am glad that I woke you this morning caressing your member and loved what followed when you fingered me to oblivion. I knew then that I wanted more today. It did honestly take me a bit to ask you to use me whenever you wanted. I [...]

So about 2 weeks ago I had an epiphany with the help of kaya’s wise words. Submission is hard work. The fact that I had constantly thought that Master wasn’t dominant enough turned the tables to I wasn’t submissive enough. I admit that it’s not a natural thing in me, and while many that may [...]

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a weekend in which I didn’t have school work to do, and I didn’t have to go to work. All I have to do is some housework and find time to relax and enjoy things. Relaxing is going to be the hard part. As most of you [...]

From Kindlings:
What words do you associate immediately with the following words?
- fear
Failure. I fear failure at all things, but moreso at failing Master. I want to please him at everything and when I don’t do well, I fear his disappointment. So maybe it’s not failure I fear but his disappointment at failing.
- doubt
The uncertain future [...]

When Master and I first met online we shared how we were with each other. We got to know our personalities and behaviors and hoped that how we were online was somewhat how we were in real life.
Last night Master informed me during and argument that I was not what was advertised.

I’m not as sexually [...]

Mark off the things you fear. (from danaewhispering)
[x] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[ ] driving or being in cars
[x] flying
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[x] [...]

I’m depressed, and more than just slightly. I’m caught between bouts of crying and sleeping with a disinterest in all things around me. Interesting enough Master asked me if my good subbie routine would fade when I’m not depressed anymore. I guess I am more attentive and behave when I am like this. I don’t [...]

I’ve done something horrible. I don’t know how to talk about it. Before you judge me, please understand that this journal is for my personal thoughts, not for judgement. (Not that it’s going to stop anyone from saying things.)
As a part of my rules with Master, I am not to share photos of myself, explicit [...]

When I speak of baggage I do not speak of your trusty old set of Samsonite, I am speaking of emotional baggage.
Emotional baggage is a laymen’s term for the emotional turmoil and distress that each individual experiences when confronted with a negative experience. From each experience in our life we can learn and grow. However, [...]