BDSM is Love

You are browsing the archives of internal thoughts.

I swear that if I weren’t so young I would think I’m entering ‘the change’. My moods have been all over the place this week and it’s driving me and Master nuts! Yesterday after a very successful and fun blow job (yup!) I crashed. I crashed big time. I’m stressed about my weight and the [...]

You love me, you really really love me! I’ve been down on myself lately; yes. I’ve had so many comments and emails practically telling me what I should already know and don’t practice. I never knew you had it in you; let alone had it in me. I’m going to make some changes. I’m going [...]

I have a writing assignment that actually was supposed to be done during my vacation week but it slipped my mind and now I’m working on it. Well, I’m thinking about it. I’m not really sure what I should say exactly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head but something is holding me [...]

kiana made a good point in a comment on my last post. I’m not very positive thinking. I’ve heard it before, on this blog and in person and it comes as no surprise. I’ve always been pessimistic about everything. It causes me to worry about anything, to assume the worst in events and people and [...]

I’ve looked back through the archives lately and notice a trend. I’ve been working on some sexual training for near on 6 months! From blow jobs, to spontaneity and finally nipple clamps. It’s all to please Master and from what I can tell, progress is either non-existent or very very small. Perhaps there are things [...]

The nipple clamp training is going nowhere. I can’t get past 5 minutes. Master tried to lift the ring in the middle today and I about panicked. This isn’t fair. I want to please him and I want to be able to take more pain, especially in the nipples where he seems to get the [...]

Nipple clamps. Something in everyone’s toybag, right? An item that a lot of people can’t life without. Others have a love/hate relationship with them. I on the other hand am terrified of them. I have never ever been able to go long with them on; I end up screaming in a panic when the pain [...]

Life isn’t so perfect here in Master’s house. I’ve been down a lot lately. I’ve slacked on all of my rules and duties to Master. I’m having problems taking orders and not really doing anything for myself either. You can blame it on whatever you’d like; but it has to stop. Now I’ll be the [...]

I am terrible with taking hints, I can’t do requests very well and I’m never obliged to offer my services. This has to change; but why am I that way to begin with? Why can’t I take a suggestion like, “Hmm, I’m thinking a hand job might be nice.” and turn it into “He wants [...]

It’s so very hot I think it’s messing with my brain. I just can’t think of anything of merit to write about tonight. I really wish I could prewrite posts for you and then just post them when the day comes. Having to come up with something to say right off the cuff is almost [...]

From Submissive Journal Prompts:
“‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you…’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt…It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It [...]

It would look nice if I answered my own questions now wouldn’t it?
Master and I have always been a D/s relationship.  He’s not the first relationship I’ve had but the first D/s one; truly. Reflecting back on the way I was raised and the way I thought a relationship should be I’ve never been more [...]

The Thursday Question last week was: “What has been the hardest thing for you to accept in your Dominance/submission?”
No one answered the question but I thought that this would make an excellent topic for today’s post.
The hardest thing for me to accept has been that I am not in control of a lot of things. [...]

I’ve had some very enlightening comments to my situation as of late. I do appreciate every comment I’ve gotten and they have really helped me see a few things about myself that just took someone looking in instead of me looking out.
I choose to be submissive; I guess that’s a harder journey than someone that [...]

To continue on the same thread that has been swimming around this blog for the past week; Master and I had a discussion about my eagerness to say no and what it means for our relationship. If you’ve been reading you know that I’ve been having problems with obedience. Master tells me he wants something [...]

Master is waiting for a blowjob. He wants a full service blow job. I’ve had reasons for not doing it that have been valid up until now.
And then today I want to give him a blowjob but I don’t want it to be the full service kind. I want the opening act type. I want [...]

Waking early today I went about my usual routine. Then it just struck me… I was horny as all heck. I argued with the idea of waking Master so early and sat down to watch some porn. Of course anyone who enjoys porn knows that it doesn’t help the situation, it enhances the desire. After [...]

kaya mentioned something in her post about her nailing fantasy that struck me as something I can talk about. A lot of what she does and says is way beyond my comprehension or realm of understanding. I’m just not that deep yet. But this really spoke to me. She said that as she was preparing [...]

It appears that all this time I thought I was pleasing Master ultimately lead to me being displeasing. Allow me to explain.
Upon becoming Master’s own he gave me the rule that I was not to come without permission. One that I have stuck to as a sacrament. I have never broken that rule. For me [...]

I sit here in a countdown. As I’ve shared; I’m in some form of butt plug training, however without an appropriate butt plug that stays in place it’s quite a challenge. My ass muscles are playing ‘ins and outs’ with my plug in a never ending effort for comfort. I have 30 mins. I’m very [...]