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Power in Service

How long will I take to learn all that I have to learn? When will Master be completely pleased with my efforts and progress? If it is to be years, do I have the endurance and faith that it will require to continue to grow closer to him, and nearer to the perfection of myself? [...]

[ More ] February 28th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Submission |

Family

Master’s mother sent me a belated Christmas gift. She has never met me and didn’t know about me until after Master was here with me. I got a ruby and diamond ring. It’s simply beautiful.
His sister asked him on IM if he was going to marry me. Gosh we’ve not even gotten that far, besides [...]

[ More ] January 23rd, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Skinny Thoughts, Submission |

Peace in Trust

Things are going well in Master’s house. We’ve been working through my issues that occurred this weekend and the feelings I have, the feelings I don’t have and the continuous issue with trust. I’ve done a lot of thought on it myself since this past weekend and what I can say now is that I [...]

[ More ] January 18th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Submission |

Trust Issue

Yesterday was a day from hell and a clawing my way back up to life here on earth. Master and I had plans to play. No different than any other time. Those of you that read my blog regularly know that sometimes we just don’t get to it, other times we have our problems. This [...]

[ More ] January 15th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Submission |

Can’t cry

Master and I have gone a long time between play sessions. Generally it’s because we can’t seem to be in the mood at the same time, can’t find the free time for each other or don’t want to put that much effort into it. It’s all excuses really. Well today was a day to try [...]

[ More ] January 6th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Playtime |

A Need for Firmness

I read a post from a LJ friend today that rang so true with me that I’d like to post a bit here and then talk about how it relates to my life. puzzle of PolyBDSMMadHouse said that,
when Sir is lenient, it undermines me, and makes me feel as if he doesn’t care about the [...]

[ More ] December 19th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Lust on Command

The pleasure in Master’s face on his birthday should have been more than enough. Yet, yesterday he questioned his intentions. In so doing, he confused me, and now I’m thinking a lot about it.
Master wanted me to be his pleasure slut for his birthday; to be willing and able for whatever sexual pleasure he wished. [...]

[ More ] December 18th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

High Maintenance

A number of blogs that I have read recently have mentioned or have delved into the thought that submissives are high maintenance, or that they themselves are high maintenance. What has me thinking is that 1. I am high maintenance and Master has said so 2. I don’t find that to be damaging or destructive [...]

[ More ] November 10th, 2006 | 3 Comments | Posted in Submission |

Self Worth

I’ve been battling with the question of self worth today. It’s caused me to depressed off and on all day long. Master can’t seem to understand why I have this thought in my head that if I’m not productive that I won’t be worth anything. I was raised that productivity pretty much decided if you [...]

[ More ] November 4th, 2006 | 3 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Suck It In

Master is disappointed in me. After 2 years of wanting a corset and drooling over them and aching for them, I have worn my new corset 3 times in a month. I still love to see it sitting there, waiting to be tied in place and the ensuing pleasure across his face when I walk [...]

[ More ] October 29th, 2006 | 2 Comments | Posted in Submission |

Mushroom Cloud

It happened yet again. I can’t even remember all of the heated discussion however I can remember the spark that set it all off.
Wednesday I asked Master to help me with a bit of code that I didn’t know how to do. I had gone online and someone had offered their script for it but [...]

[ More ] September 29th, 2006 | 2 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Thinking about Future Training

I’ve been reading a new blog that is a branch off of another I’ve come to love reading. The training of His slut is the beginning of a new life for good girl… she is training to be a lifestyle submissive. This has brought me to more thinking about how my training down the [...]

[ More ] September 27th, 2006 | 1 Comment | Posted in BlogMail |

Submission is Work

It dawned on me, or rather it was explained to me in wonderful terms, that my submission isn’t a one way street. I had constantly thought that I’d be submissive if Master was dominant. I questioned why I wasn’t getting reprimanded or reminded that I wasn’t following the rules that he set up. kaya made [...]

[ More ] August 7th, 2006 | 4 Comments | Posted in Submission |

Excuses

I have a problem. It’s serious and I’m ready to face it head on and see if I can do something about it.
About 6 months ago I started to change. My body and mind stopped being turned on by the things it used to. I stopped being horny. I stopped fantasizing about anything, I [...]

[ More ] May 30th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Indifference

Master and I have hit a crossroads of sorts. I’m not sure if it’s because I am lazy, he is lazy or some other factor. There are two separate issues that Master has brought up last night. I think I’m going to try to discuss both of them.
The first one is my current mood. Master [...]

[ More ] May 13th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Search for what was and what could be

Master came to me last night with a concern. It was a concern that has come up before but we have been unable to resolve it to either of our satisfaction. We do not play enough. Each for their own reason, but I know that it is craved and needed more often than we do [...]

[ More ] February 19th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Playtime, Submission |

3rd Person Speech

This isn’t the normal discussion of internet 3rd person speech by Gorean slaves. This is 3rd person speech that I have noticed in my own relationship. I don’t see it as a bad thing, just unusual. It drives me, and I know that Master is receptive to it too.
Within a scene, be it sexual or [...]

[ More ] January 13th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Playtime, Submission |

Focus Blurred

I submit. I don’t do it for vanity or pride, I do it because I need to, I want to and it brings out the inner strength in me. I am not submissive in any other situation other than ones involving Master. I find myself extremely strong-willed and independent. Master says that he likes that [...]

[ More ] November 21st, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Journal Prompts |

Reflecting…

I woke today with a really weird feeling. I felt I was forgetting something. I still feel that way but I can’t think what it is. I hope I can figure it out soon. I don’t enjoy the unsettled mind.
I also need to make time to do some cleaning. I just don’t know why I [...]

[ More ] October 3rd, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Taking a moment to be…

This morning as I was waiting for my Musical Appreciation class to start I took a moment. Not a big moment, but one that helped me realize that there is time in my life to do the things that I want to do, that I need to to to achieve my goals, and the desire [...]

[ More ] August 31st, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Submission |
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