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Q & A: Is pain pleasurable?

For some people pain is pleasurable. For me it certainly is. I’m terrible at discussing the how’s and whys so I’m defering to an essay from Pyschology Today:
(more…)
[ More ] July 30th, 2006 | 1 Comment | Posted in Blogathon 2006 |

ITCR Objectives

Conduct, and support the conduct of, primary research into viable alternative ways to carry on intimate relationships, and into the development of a set of valid constructs [...]
[ More ] July 29th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Blogathon 2006 |

Erotic Short: Sex on the Clock

Note: This post is not suitable for children.
I have shared with Master that if he wants sex today that he has to do it on a timer so that I can post every 30 mins. The time constraint can be a fun way to get a quicky in and no one will ever know. [...]
[ More ] July 29th, 2006 | 1 Comment | Posted in Blogathon 2006 |

Poem: Comfort and lust

Chained to your mercy
I beg to hold me tighter
Wrapped in your embrace
Let’s pull an all-nighter.
Our love is bound by joy,
compassion and commitment
Roles solidified in power exchange
A collar the sole adornment.
The connection of a girl to her Master
is more about worship than love
Yet love is the basis for her trust
She gives all she has to be [...]
[ More ] July 29th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Blogathon 2006 |

Code of Ethics part 3

I’m continuing my thoughts on a personal submissive code of ethics. If you missed the previous 2 parts:
Part 1
Part 2
Each time I add things to my personal code I realize just how hard the whole thing is going to be. I hope that one day I will be able to look at it [...]
[ More ] July 3rd, 2006 | 1 Comment | Posted in Training |

Feeling it all fade away

I’m depressed, and more than just slightly. I’m caught between bouts of crying and sleeping with a disinterest in all things around me. Interesting enough Master asked me if my good subbie routine would fade when I’m not depressed anymore. I guess I am more attentive and behave when I am like this. I don’t [...]
[ More ] June 22nd, 2006 | 5 Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Loss of trust

I’ve done something horrible. I don’t know how to talk about it. Before you judge me, please understand that this journal is for my personal thoughts, not for judgement. (Not that it’s going to stop anyone from saying things.)
As a part of my rules with Master, I am not to share photos of myself, explicit [...]
[ More ] June 21st, 2006 | 2 Comments | Posted in Submission |

Worthlessness

Now, I’d speak about what happened last night if I could, but it’s just so horrible that I can’t speak it. I am worthless, I broke Master’s trust in a huge way and I don’t know if I will ever recover what once was. That’s all I’m saying, that’s all I can handle. Only time [...]
[ More ] June 21st, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Feeling a little better

I’m feeling a little better today. I’ve worked hard at paying more attention to Master and my emotions. I want to back up to normal self as soon as possible. Trust me though, I was and still am quite down at my loss of libido. I used to rival any man at the amount of [...]
[ More ] June 1st, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Skinny Thoughts, Submission |

Mild Case of the Downs

I’m depressed. I’ve spent all day on a short fuse and feeling like the world is collapsing in on itself. It could be a number of things bothering me. I am done with school; school has been my routine for over 6 years and now I don’t have to look forward to going back anymore. [...]
[ More ] May 23rd, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Submission |

Chapter 1- Orientation 2: Baggage

When I speak of baggage I do not speak of your trusty old set of Samsonite, I am speaking of emotional baggage.
Emotional baggage is a laymen’s term for the emotional turmoil and distress that each individual experiences when confronted with a negative experience. From each experience in our life we can learn and grow. However, [...]
[ More ] May 16th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Training |

Fear

From Submissive Journal Prompts - “Write down three things you didn’t do because you were afraid. What could have changed in your life had you done them?”
1. I think my issue with swallowing Master’s cum has some fear involved other than just ick. I’ve been analysing it more than I probably should and I’ve come [...]
[ More ] April 3rd, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Journal Prompts |

Trying

Master and I have been going through a period of training. Nothing out of the ordinary in this sort of relationship, but for me it can be mentally stressful and emotionally hard for me. I’ve spoken about it before: blowjobs… well more specifically swallowing Master’s cum. Many submissives and slaves have stated to me in [...]
[ More ] March 26th, 2006 | 3 Comments | Posted in Playtime |

A Poem I Wrote

I wrote a poem yesterday. It doesn’t have a title yet, but I’m hoping that maybe it will soon. Suggestions are always welcome. I hope you enjoy it.
Oh beautiful Venus, come hear my song!
My muse, Yea, hallowed goddess, belong,
Amidst my lyrical passion filled quest;
Resolving love’s difficulty, may I be blessed.
Lovers in history search for an [...]
[ More ] February 11th, 2006 | No Comments | Posted in Poetry |

One Year Ago…

One year ago, I was waiting at the airport, my heart in my throat, nerves running jolts through my body. I was scared too, fearful that we wouldn’t be compatible once we saw one another. But as I looked up to see him coming down the stairs to the waiting area my heart stopped. His [...]
[ More ] October 7th, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

Reflecting…

I woke today with a really weird feeling. I felt I was forgetting something. I still feel that way but I can’t think what it is. I hope I can figure it out soon. I don’t enjoy the unsettled mind.
I also need to make time to do some cleaning. I just don’t know why I [...]
[ More ] October 3rd, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized |

BDSM Myth: All dominant women are men haters and all dominant men are women haters.

So not true. If you develop a relationship with someone and are a m/f hater, then what results is abuse, not loving commitment and BDSM. Just like vanilla (again, non-BDSM) relationships you have to like the person you are with, and with a D/s relationship that is more powerful. There is the elements of trust [...]
[ More ] August 6th, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Blogathon 2005 |

The most important aspect of BDSM

This is purely my opinion, and as it is my blog… well, you know the drill. Take what you want and leave the rest.
I belive that the most important aspect of BDSM is trust. In the beginning of a relationship one starts with nothing. You have to build all the aspects if you wish a [...]
[ More ] August 6th, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Blogathon 2005 |

submissives leaving the lifestyle

So, there was a comment awhile ago, when I wasn’t really with it mentally about how I’ve noticed so many submissives that have blogs I’ve followed are throwing in the towel on the lifestyle. I am baffled at how someone can do that. I’ve had time to think about it and maybe I can understand [...]
[ More ] May 31st, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Role Dynamics |

A step backwards and a bare neck

Well, here it is. A big change and a small step back. On Monday night I gave Master his collar back. I didn’t feel I was ready for the full commitment it entails. I have a problem with accepting punishments. It isn’t like when others have a resistence to giving up control. I love it [...]
[ More ] April 6th, 2005 | No Comments | Posted in Role Dynamics |
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